“I think people are used to people in show business having a lot of hubris. I think I have a normal amount of self-loathing but because I'm in show business it's considered self-deprecation. In normal life I would just be considered your average neurotic.” PeopleThinkingSelfShowsUsedAmountNormalAverageShow BusinessNeuroticLoathingNormal LifeSelf LoathingHubrisSelf Deprecation Author:Jon Stewart
“I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night.” I CanNightCrazyBullshitBrillianceRationalizeIntricacy Author:Jon Stewart
“Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. And I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves!” GivingSweetRespectDeserveFairsDeliciousCherriesMiningTurds Author:Jon Stewart
“I think you are looking at sexuality and not attributes, and I think it's odd because the conservative mantra is a meritocracy. And I think what you're suggesting is the fact that being gay parents makes you not as good as others. And I would suggest that a loving, gay family with a financially secure background beats the hell out of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline any day of the week.” ThinkingFactsParentHellWeekGayBeatsConservativeSexualityBackgroundsSecureOddAttributesMantrasSuggestingSpearsKevinBeing GayMeritocracyDays Of The WeekGay Parents Author:Jon Stewart
“You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.” PeopleIfsThinkingWantTwoNationsNumbersCasesRightsMovementGayDeserveAbsolutesShamePro LifeBasic RightsTravesty Author:Jon Stewart
“Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.” PeopleWorldWantWarHardEnoughSeemsImagineMilitarySafeStrategyHarmImagine ThatTowersFlewNineteen Author:Jon Stewart
“The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. The traditional meal often includes gefilte fish. For those of you who don't know what gefilte fish is, it strongly resembles a ball of tuna fish that has been passed nasally. It's not good. During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews - an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.” PeopleIfsKnowsYearsHas BeensCountryHappensCitiesEventsNew YorkCollegeLateEatingAngelBallsFishesJewClubsTraditionalCelebrateLeagueMealsNew York CityIvyTunaIvy LeagueCountry ClubsAngel Of DeathTuna Fish Author:Jon Stewart
“Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that are just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often it's something they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things get done every day that are only made possible by the little, reasonable compromises.” WantLittlesMadeDoneBitsImpossibleRepublicanLateLittle BitDemocratCompromiseReasonableImpossible Things Author:Jon Stewart
“The country's 24 hour political pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything we hear nothing.” IfsCountryUseShowsProblemLightPoliticalPoliticsCausesHoursExistenceIssuesFireFocusWeekDangerousHarderPressesGlassesUnexpectedHostPanicPerpetualUnseenAntsEpidemicsIlluminatingPunditsAmplifyMagnifyingMagnifying Glass Author:Jon Stewart
“If Obama's a tyrant, then he's pretty lame for a tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture? Very few.” IfsKnowsSufferingDo You KnowTyrants Author:Jon Stewart