“There is nothing better than getting something in front of an audience in a less stressful setting than previews!” Quote by Michael Patrick Walker
“I think it's good to know more than the average guy. If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is talking to some handsome 24-year-old man, I'll say, "Okay, who's the emperor after Caligula? What chief mistake did Marcus Aurelius make in choosing a successor?" He'll just look like an idiot. She'll just gravitate toward me, I'm thinking. It works in Detroit.” IfsThinkingKnowsMenYearsLooksGuyGirlMistakeTalkingOkayAverageBarsChiefsIdiotOld ManHandsomeEmperorDetroitPretty GirlSuccessors Author:Emo Philips
“You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.” ShouldChildrenRealizingWifeFameMarriedFortunePrizeConsolationHappy ChildrenConsolation PrizeLoving Wife Author:Emo Philips
“The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.” PeopleThinkingMindHelpingHomeSleepLove YouDataDestroyingSubconsciousLaboratoryTrickyGoing To SleepAssistantsLabs Author:Emo Philips
“If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.” IfsWayLongCountryEnoughBlowOur CountryAsteroids Author:Emo Philips
“I've been at stand-up 26 years now: After a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.” YearsEnjoyPatientJadedProverbialGynecologists Author:Emo Philips
“I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.” TryingKindTermGet AwayCheeseTailsMiceEnvelopes Author:Emo Philips
“Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.” RealEmotionalAffairReal Ones Author:Chris Rock
“Sometimes if you don't physically attempt something, you don't realize how sick to your stomach or how hard it is.” IfsSometimesHardRealizingSickStomach Author:Laila Ali
“People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with him. That is marriage - anything that's supposed to be forever, your going to get bored with it. And there is nothing wrong with it, so don't take it personal; if you are with somebody for ten years and they are not bored with you? Then something is wrong with them.” PeopleIfsWayYearsHumansHuman BeingsForeverWifeTenSupposed To BeBored Author:Chris Rock
“I've always like watching competition and athleticism. Just seeing the average person going up against Gladiators, is always something I enjoy. I'm not really a big sports fan, but I do enjoy the show.” PersonsShowsBigsSportsEnjoySeeingFansCompetitionAverageAverage PersonSports FanAthleticism Author:Laila Ali