“How many people here tonight are telekinetic? Raise my hand.”
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Famous Emo Philips Quotes
“I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.”
“Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.”
“I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.”
“I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.”
“I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.”
“You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.”
“Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.”
“I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.”
“I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, "I am a bulemic".”
“I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.”
“One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.”