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Quote by Emo Philips

“I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.”

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“I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.”

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“One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.”

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“I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, "we've never had a democrat in the family before".”

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“One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with.”

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“I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.”

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“A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.”

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“A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.”

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“I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.”

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“I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.”

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