Home / Quotes / Quote by Emo Philips

Quote by Emo Philips

“A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

You May Also Like

“When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.”

Believe Humor Kids Funny Fall Lord Dad My Dad Roller Coaster Coasters Hallelujah Emo

Author:Emo Philips

“The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.”

Ifs Said Two Humor Eye Funny Courses Lines Picks Phones Damn Bless Psychics God Bless Two Days God Bless You

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.”

Giving Humor Funny Grades Fourth Degenerates Fourth Grade

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection...”

Knows Wells Kind Two Humor Light Seems Funny Fun Stuff Clear Five Connections Towns Godmother Light Of My Life

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.”

Humor Funny News Sick Tired Hearing

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not”

Years Humor Funny Dog Died My Dog

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.”

Knows Humor Funny Dresses Excuse Know Me

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.”

Ifs Mean Persons Humor Funny Actors Winning Tonight Good Person Good Actors

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.”

Thinking Want Needs Feels Humor Funny Used Felt Letting Go Feel Good Used To Be Desperate Approval

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.”

Shows Humor Funny Whistling

Author:Ellen DeGeneres