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Quote by Emo Philips

“I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.”

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“My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.”

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“I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.”

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“Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?”

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“I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.”

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“Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?”

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“I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.”

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“There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'”

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“The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.”

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