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Quote by Al Franken

“He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.”

Quote by Al Franken

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“As much as we disliked the Yankees, fans and players alike, they were good for baseball. They consistently unsuccessful teams like the Browns, Senators, and A's paid a lot of their bills with those big crowds that poured through the gates when the Yankees came to town.”

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“I'll try anything. I'll do anything. I'll explore. Try different takes.”

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“People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.”

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“Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.”

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“It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.”

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“I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.”

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“Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.”

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“Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.”

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Book:Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

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“Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.”

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Book:Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

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“My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson