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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'”

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Craig Ferguson

English biography, 120-180 words more

“It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So what are they telling us? Follow me guys. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson's disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. You know, screw health care. Let's party!”

“And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called 'Don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'”

States Asks Talking Policy Patient Medical Pursue Agents Administration Smoking Pot Marijuana Guidelines Medical Marijuana

Author:Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have smoked marijuana. The only ones who don't like it seem to be elected officials. Ever notice that?”

Knows Seems Millions Officials Marijuana Palin Elected Officials

Author:Jay Leno

“The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So in a related story millions of Americans are trying to get Biden hooked on pot.”

Trying Stories House President White Millions Gay Vices Favors Related White House Pot Gay Marriage Vice President Hooked Endorsements Biden

Author:Conan O'Brien

“President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.”

Today President President Obama Marijuana Youtube Portland Chad Legalizing Marijuana

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.”

Said Forget Secret Medical Suspects Marijuana Secret Service Medical Marijuana

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma.”

Men Shots Medical Old Man Marijuana Users Firearms Lobbying Medical Marijuana Glaucoma

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes.”

Ifs Cities Minutes Taxes Vote Medical Los Angeles Marijuana Residents Medical Marijuana

Author:Conan O'Brien

“California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.”

People Firsts Shows Jobs Millions Fairs Medical California Marijuana Medical Marijuana

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude... '”

Lasts Found Plant Marijuana Last Words Bin Laden Compounds

Author:Conan O'Brien

Quote by Craig Ferguson

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