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Quote by Joan Rivers

“I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.”

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Joan Rivers was an American comedian, actress, and television personality known for her sharp wit and controversial humor. She gained fame as a panelist on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson' and later hosted her own talk show, 'The Joan Rivers Show'. Rivers was also a successful author and fashion critic, and her career spanned over five decades. more

“A sexual athlete is not likely to find sufficient energy for work of another athletic kind, and the acting of great parts most definitely was and always will be athletic, depending on inner if not on visible energy. Members of other professions that depend on the expenditure of physical energy must, I believe, find similar difficulties when attempting to double up on their energies. One has often heard that the most magnificent specimens of boxers, wrestlers and champions in almost every branch of athletic sport prove to be disappointing upon the removal of that revered jockstrap.”

“If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.”

Ifs Knows Feels Matter Facts Stories Funny Faces Lying Guy Sex Hours Break Four Middle Cry Ten Humorous Down And Sorry Nine Hug Breaking Down Matter Of Fact Straight Face Sorry For Him

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“When she liked anyone it was quite natural for her to go to bed with him. She never thought twice about it. It was not vice; it wasn't lasciviousness; it was her nature. She gave herself as naturally as the sun gives heat or the flowers their perfume. It was a pleasure to her and she liked to give pleasure to others.”

Giving Funny Sex Natural Pleasure Sun Flower Bed Humorous Vices Heat Perfume

Book:Cakes and Ale

Source: Cakes and Ale

“Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."”

Kind Funny Lying Three Force Justice Cases Figures Humorous Investing Statistics Remarks Arranging Disraeli

Author:Mark Twain

“Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet.”

Knows Reality Funny Feet Humorous Average Height Statistics

Author:Robert Reich

“Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD.”

Source: New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer

“9 saw the first direct-dialed long-distance telephone call, between New York and San Francisco. Of course, back in that primitive era the parties had to speak to each other manually; today one or both ends of the conversation would be carried on by a machine.”

Firsts Long Ends Would Be Today Courses Speak Party Saws New York Conversation Humorous Direct Machines Distance Eras Primitive Telephones San Francisco Long Distance Answering Machines

Author:Dave Barry

“What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.”

People Want Night Middle Humorous Sells Phones Magazines Telephones Middle Of The Night Answering Machines Subscription

Author:Dave Barry

“One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.”

Son Humorous Ears Phones Telephones Answering Machines Transistors

Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

Source: The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

Quote by Joan Rivers

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