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The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

Book by Erma Bombeck · 24 quotes · Children, Funny, Kids

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The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank Quotes

“You always hear about fashion's success stories. How a starlet lost an earring one night and by the next morning, the entire country was wearing one earring. Or how sweaters made a comeback in a drugstore, or a First Lady influenced how we dressed during her reign. But what about the losers? The fashions that came and went out the same day? The hopes and dreams of designers that were shattered by the sound of fifty million women ... laughing themselves to death.”

FirstsMadeCountryStoriesDreamNightNextLostSoundMorningMillionsLaughingFashionDesignerFiftyLoserReignOne NightComebackShatteredSweatersHopes And DreamsFirst LadyEarringsSuccess StoriesStarlets
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.”

ChildrenHandsWalksExampleTvsWallBalanceUnderstoodCatScalesClimbsRescueRoofHallwaysGrabbingAntenna
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.”

FeelsFunnyFireTiredCaliforniaCheerFloodBrushesEarthquakesSmogCheer Me Up
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?”

I CanCrazyShoesHandleGood TimesBad TimesDrive Me Crazy
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.”

EnoughKidsSchoolMotherGivenFeltBornToo MuchReadyBabyBirthHusbandShotsWake UpBreatheHipsEnough TimeMy BabyYour HusbandNot Enough Time
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.”

TodayJobsExistenceTrainingProgramMotherhoodJob TrainingTraining Programs
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”

KnowsTryingBoysPathAirWasteFruitStationsBusBedroomHurricanesCleanersHoveringWhere You StandHamstersRestroomFruit Flies
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.”

WorldTryingLooksLittlesKidsMovingDoubtRocksPaperEatingMouthsCatBallsSundayPensCigaretteMudSuspiciousPuppyBeefStewCrayonDinersGoldfishLittle BeeCat Food
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.”

ChildrenParentMoneyWrittenTenGuiltRefuse
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

HumorPainHappinessJoyHurtLinesComedyLaughterTragedyBadassSmile And LaughterTragedy And Comedy
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.”

YoungLiteratureSocialSecurityPaperTiredAffairRoutesSocial Security
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.”

FunnySawsFriendsCutePriestsBoyfriendFunny RelationshipReefsEx BoyfriendOld BoyfriendFunny Boyfriend
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.”

IfsChildrenHumorHandsEyeKidsFunnyHairBabyHumorousRaisedMy ChildrenWipeAttorney
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.”

ChildrenHumorKidsFunnyFacesBabyHumorousGlassesSpit
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.”

ThinkingWayChildrenParentFamilyCommunicateMy WayDeclineWay Of ThinkingAmerican Family
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.”

SonHumorousEarsPhonesTelephonesAnswering MachinesTransistors
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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