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Restroom Quotes

Browse 52 quotes about Restroom.

Restroom Quotes

“For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.”

RomanceHousePoorRoomsMarriagePovertyMorningFoodRomanticCourtPursueMealsKitchenBreakfastWeddingNutritionBathroomToiletsAnniversaryCourtshipEatRoomMarriagesChaseHousesMealWeddingsRestroomToiletBreakfast In BedBed And BreakfastBreakfastsWooEatenKitchensB BHit OnAteBathroomsHitting OnBreakfastedRestrooms
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.”

LooksRunningGuyCoursesGolfChecksModelingPackagesRomneyThat GuyUnderwearGolf CourseSeminarsCadillacsRestroom
Author:David Letterman
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“I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.”

WellsAgeCertainWaitingRealizingLinesSeeingEmotionalColorCapableFemaleEndureMalesShoesObsessionLoudMaturityEnjoymentHardship80sBlastChildbirthPsychoticRestroomFlatulenceEmotional MaturityWaiting In Line
Author:Dave Barry
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“I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.”

WantTwoRunningStrongWaitingBehindsWeekBandLegsStoresContactChickensBootsTapeUniformsCoatsLensesImpatienceTwo WeeksGroceriesRegisterParadesGrocery StoresShoppersRestroomContact LensesTassels
Book:I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression
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“With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”

KnowsTryingBoysPathAirWasteFruitStationsBusBedroomHurricanesCleanersHoveringWhere You StandHamstersRestroomFruit Flies
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.”

IfsKnowsMenShouldLittlesPersonsArtTwoHappensTogetherSexBitsLevelsImagineShareLittle BitHollywoodGreekPrimeMaking LoveMonkeysHonoredPreferenceCastingJunkMake It HappenBradHomophobicBeckhamRestroomGreek God
Author:Daniel Tosh
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“We segregate men from women, and no matter how many times we insist that men and women are equal, men and women should be treated the same, when it comes to the moment of excretion, even the most modern society - especially the most modern society - segregates two restrooms with little icons outside the doors, one wearing a dress, one wearing pants.”

MenShouldLittlesTwoMatterMomentsDoorsModernEqualMen And WomenDressesTreatedPantsIconsModern SocietyRestroomWearing A Dress
Author:W. J. T. Mitchell
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“I'd like to say that Muslims are never in violence with white people. It's the black man who love you. See, you don't let him in your toilet, you don't let him in your restroom, you don't let him marry your daughter, you gotta fight. So, we're not gonna be botherin' you, you understand. Muslims don't come in, we don't have no trouble with you. It's just the integrator.”

PeopleMenFightingBlackWhiteViolenceTroubleLove YouDaughterToiletsOur DaughterYour DaughterRestroom
Author:Muhammad Ali
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“Anything that I'm doing I think I always come at it from an outsider perspective. The first like real front page story that I had for the Times was about how after decades of battles over public restrooms in New York City, effectively chain stores had become the public restroom of choice for New Yorkers, it's sort of a silly little thing, but coming as an outsider, I was like 'Oh this is actually really interesting.'”

ThinkingRealChoicesInterestingPerspectiveBattleSillyLittle ThingsOutsidersReally InterestingRestroomSilly Little
Author:Lydia Polgreen
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“"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam French fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."... I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at us "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam T-shirt."”

WantNeedsShouldTryingSaidUseFacesWaterBreathsBarsShirtsFountainT ShirtCrackedPercy Jackson And The OlympiansSnacksFriesDamsOlympianFrench FriesGroverRestroomGrover UnderwoodStraight FaceWater FountainZoe NightshadeCracking Up
Author:Rick Riordan
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“Writing about the indignities of old age: the daunting stairway to the restaurant restroom, the benefits of a wheelchair in airports and its disadvantages at cocktail parties, giving the user what he described as a child's-eye view of the party and a crotch-level view of the guests. Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.”

GivingShouldWritingChildrenMatterEyeRunningAgeGrowsProcessLevelsViewsPartyLaughingDyingReadyBenefitsAgingRidiculousOld AgeGentleRestaurantsGuestsUsersAirportsDisadvantagesCocktailsWheelchairsIndignityCocktail PartiesStairwaysRestroomAging ProcessSlapstick
Author:John Mortimer
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“Then you’re going to stay in that net until eternity comes to pass. (Sin) Well, that’s really intelligent, isn’t it? What are you going to do? Put drinks on me or just use me as a conversation piece whenever friends come over? And let’s not even think about what’s going to happen when I need to use the restroom, shall we? I hope you have a standing order at Sofa Express. (Kat)”

ThinkingNeedsWellsUseHappensOrderSinPiecesDrinkConversationStandingEternityIntelligentUsing MeSofasRestroom
Author:Sherrilyn Kenyon
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“Restrooms at gas stations were an unpleasant and shocking surprise; I had never considered the serious drawbacks of such lazily-cleaned rooms. I was completely unable to ignore the filth, and wasted a burst of power to turn the sink, floors and porcelain toilet into sparkling, clean examples of their kind before using the facility. I felt that was a much less judgmental response than simply blowing the place off the face of the Earth, which was also a distinct temptation, especially when the storekeeper overcharged me for a bottle of cold water.”

KindEarthFacesTurnsFeltWaterRoomsExampleSeriousColdCleanSurpriseResponseTemptationGasStationsBottlesShockingToiletsFacilityJudgmentalSparklingFilthDrawbacksCold WaterGas StationsRestroomPorcelainStorekeeper
Author:Rachel Caine
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“One of the stall doors swings open and a fortyish-year-old woman walks out tucking her shirt into her jeans. Her heavy lined eyes land on Seth. "This is the women's restroom." She points a finger to the door. "Can't you read?" "Can't you see that everyone in this club is about twenty years younger than you?" Seth retorts, turning to the mirror. With his pinkie, he messes with bangs. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to have some fun.”

IfsYearsEyeFunWalksDoorsLandTwentiesMirrorsFingersClubsExcuseHeavyMessShirtsSwingsJeansBangsOld WomanRestroomRetorts
Book:The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden
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“Nico danced around like he needed to use the restroom. "Does Zeus really have lightning bolts that do six hundred damage? Does he get extra movement points for—" "Nico, shut up!" Bianca put her hands to her face. "This is not your stupid Mythomagic game, okay? There are no gods!”

DoeUseHandsFacesGamesStupidMovementNeededSixHundredOkayDamageExtrasLightningShut UpBoltsZeusNico Di AngeloRestroomLightning BoltsYour Stupid
Book:Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse
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“I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

PeopleThinkingWantEnoughLawUsedCoursesGivenRightsStupidPaperSittingOccasionsLimitationSquaresToiletsProposeAbidingIndustriousToilet PaperDumb LiberalStupid LiberalRestroom
Author:Sheryl Crow
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