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Quote by Christopher Titus

“When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.”

Quote by Christopher Titus

Author

Christopher Titus

Christopher Titus is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and autobiographical comedy. Born on October 1, 1964, he has had a career in comedy for over 30 years. Titus' work often involves personal experiences, including his family background, marriage, and professional challenges. more

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“When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!”

Parent Born Mets Pure

Author:Christopher Titus

“The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!”

Feels Light Night Alive Dying Taught Dad My Dad Rage Gentle Dylan Good Night

Author:Christopher Titus

“Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we have in common. My whole life, all I ever wanted was my dad to pat me on the top of the head and go, Who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy? But, instead, all he ever did was wipe peanut butter on the end of my nose and laugh while I tried to lick it off.”

People Want Ends Whole Wanted Common Boys Laughing Acceptance Dad Normal My Dad Accepted Whole Life Noses Wipe Peanuts Screwed Up Peanut Butter Good Boy

Author:Christopher Titus

“Where there is devotional music, God is always at hand with His gracious presence.”

Hands Gracious Devotional

Author:Johann Sebastian Bach

“My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?”

Men Needs Years Humans Father Needed Dad Shots Block Meat Thirty Shields Bucks Thirty Years Hunk Choose Me

Author:Christopher Titus

“My father, never chooses me for anything. If you needed a kidney and I offered him mine, well, pfft. Well, he'd take it 'cos he was dying. It's not that he doesn't love me, 'cos he does. It's just that special kind of love that feels like neglect.”

Ifs Feels Wells Kind Doe Father Special Dying Mines Needed Neglect Kinds Of Love Kidneys Choose Me

Author:Christopher Titus

“There's a one in six billion chance you're gonna find your soul mate. But, maybe, your perfect soul mate is actually three or four half perfect people. How far are you willing to go to actually find that perfect somebody... ies. If you're not willing to make a group of people your soul mate then you'd better plan on being alone. You'll always have television.”

People Ifs Soul Three Chance Perfect Half Four Plans Groups Television Willing Six Billions Your Soul Mates Soul Mate

Author:Christopher Titus

“There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.”

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Author:Christopher Titus

“Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of existence, the sooner the therapists will realise that they are worthless! Sorry. They have worth deficit disorder!”

Natural Existence Sorry Hardship Realising Disorder Worthless Deficit Therapists Really Happy Can't Trust Anyone

Author:Christopher Titus

“Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. But, you don't want to go to prison for that. Hey, dude, what are you in for? Armed robbery? Murder? And then, you have to say, Love. And, that's definitely going to get you, you know, picked last for prison kick ball.”

Knows Want Sometimes Helping Lasts Love You Balls Murder Prison Commit Hey Kicks One You Love Robbery Someone You Love Felony Armed Robbery

Author:Christopher Titus