“...Never tell a ticket agent, "As a matter of fact, I DID accept items from persons unknown to me! A nice man in a chadar gave me this awesome luggage freshener with a clock attached!" Federal regulations require them to have no idea you're joking as they riddle your body with bullets.”
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“I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.”
“German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.”
“At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.”
Source: The Last Rose of Summer
“She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.”
“Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.”