Home / Quotes / Quote by Daniel Tosh

Quote by Daniel Tosh

“I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.”

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

“I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.”

People Feels Believe I Can Country Reason Shows Kids Sports White Cities Rich Cost Assuming Winter Relevant Olympics Show Me Skiing Inner City Winter Olympics

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.”

People Long Ugly Ethnicity

Author:Daniel Tosh

“This is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's going to let them into Heaven. So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates.”

Persons Stills States Night Heaven Sound Goal Lines Sleep Knowing Becoming Gay Conservative Defense Gates Every Night Terrified Gay Marriage Pearly Gates

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It's really made the touring a lot less grueling. A lot of people get to this level and they're like, Now I do four cities in one week and they tour nonstop. I'm like, No, that sounds miserable. I'll just do two weekends a month. But whenever I'm in some awful place geographically, it's no longer that awful, because you've got the Internet and television.”

People Made Two Matter Whole Night Sound Levels Cities Four Week Television Months Internet Awful Miserable Weekend Every Night Touring

Author:Daniel Tosh

“The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.”

World Dog Cat Cutest

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.”

Bigger

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I don't know, but I always loved that image of a girl putting toenail polish on a guy - her boyfriend, or something like that. Or a guy waking up in the morning and reaching over and putting on his girlfriend's shirt. Like Keith Richards putting on one of Anita Pallenberg's blouses, or Courtney Love putting nail polish on Kurt Cobain.”

Knows Guy Girl Morning Wake Up Shirts Girlfriend Reaching Waking Nails Polish Keith Waking Up In The Morning Cobain Nail Polish Courtney Blouses Toenails

Author:Marc Jacobs

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

You May Also Like