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Quote by Craig D. Lounsbrough

“I’ve yet to see an ad seeking “Professional Victims.” And I immediately thought, “If there are no jobs for people who have honed the skill of being the victim, why are we training so many people for it?”

Quote by Craig D. Lounsbrough

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Craig D. Lounsbrough

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“Seonggok jagung di kamar dan seorang pemuda yang kurang sekolahan. Memandang jagung itu, sang pemuda melihat ladang; ia melihat petani; ia melihat panen; dan suatu hari subuh, para wanita dengan gendongan pergi ke pasar ……….. Dan ia juga melihat suatu pagi hari di dekat sumur gadis-gadis bercanda sambil menumbuk jagung menjadi maisena. Sedang di dalam dapur tungku-tungku menyala. Di dalam udara murni tercium kuwe jagung Seonggok jagung di kamar dan seorang pemuda. Ia siap menggarap jagung Ia melihat kemungkinan otak dan tangan siap bekerja Tetapi ini : Seonggok jagung di kamar dan seorang pemuda tamat SLA Tak ada uang, tak bisa menjadi mahasiswa. Hanya ada seonggok jagung di kamarnya. Ia memandang jagung itu dan ia melihat dirinya terlunta-lunta . Ia melihat dirinya ditendang dari diskotik. Ia melihat sepasang sepatu kenes di balik etalase. Ia melihat saingannya naik sepeda motor. Ia melihat nomor-nomor lotre. Ia melihat dirinya sendiri miskin dan gagal. Seonggok jagung di kamar tidak menyangkut pada akal, tidak akan menolongnya. Seonggok jagung di kamar tak akan menolong seorang pemuda yang pandangan hidupnya berasal dari buku, dan tidak dari kehidupan. Yang tidak terlatih dalam metode, dan hanya penuh hafalan kesimpulan, yang hanya terlatih sebagai pemakai, tetapi kurang latihan bebas berkarya. Pendidikan telah memisahkannya dari kehidupan. Aku bertanya : Apakah gunanya pendidikan bila hanya akan membuat seseorang menjadi asing di tengah kenyataan persoalannya ? Apakah gunanya pendidikan bila hanya mendorong seseorang menjadi layang-layang di ibukota kikuk pulang ke daerahnya ? Apakah gunanya seseorang belajat filsafat, sastra, teknologi, ilmu kedokteran, atau apa saja, bila pada akhirnya, ketika ia pulang ke daerahnya, lalu berkata : “ Di sini aku merasa asing dan sepi !”

“When we experience a break in connection followed by repeated attempts at repair until the bond is restored, we build implicit pathways of resilience. We come to know in a visceral way that when things break down interpersonally, someone will return to help us come back into relationship. That wired-in optimism and expectation makes it much more likely that we will form relationships that have this quality. Most of the people who come to us haven't had this experience consistently in their lives, so when they encounter it with us, it is often surprising to the point of tears. As we accept and then rejoice in our humanness, we offer this vital gift of rupture and repair to those around us.”

“While conflict is inevitable in friendship, friends also have the ability to tolerate each other’s needs and to resolve differences. As Frans de Waal writes, “Fires start, but fires go out…We know a great deal about the causes of hostile behavior in both animals and humans…Yet we know little of the way conflicts are avoided - or how, when they do occur, relationships are afterward repaired and normalized. In his wonderful book Peacemaking Among Primates, Frans de Waal makes the case that for all primates, humans included, “making peace is as natural as making war.”

“At first you might wonder what you did to deserve such treatment. Nothing, probably, so that doesn't matter. What matters is that, eventually, the abuse becomes the status quo. It's no longer about the whats and whys (“what did I do?” “why are they doing this?”) but the whens and hows (“when are they going to do it?” “how are they going to get me?”). Persecution becomes inevitable, inescapable. And once you get into the victim mindset, you're fucked. The bullies don't even need to hurt you now; your poor, warped, pathetic brain is doing half the work for them.”