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VERSES OF THE BROKEN: Echoes From A Fractured Mind

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Nyx Thorn

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“He had known on some level, even if he couldn't articulate it clearly at the time, that the problem, the thing that kept him from being loved, was his tendency toward excess, the big hunger inside of him, the same force that had made him drink and drug that had mutated in sobriety to other things - mostly food and validation- and he stuffed the emptiness however he could. His need was bottomless.”

“If you are avoidant, the first step, therefore, is to acknowledge your need for space—whether emotional or physical—when things get too close, and then learn how to communicate that need. Explain to your partner in advance that you need some time alone when you feel things getting too mushy and that it’s not a problem with him or her but rather your own need in any relationship (this bit is important!). This should quell their worries and somewhat calm their attachment system. They are then less likely to intensify their efforts to draw closer to you.”

“Whether you attack or yield, you are reacting. You are off track, no longer focused on the prize—the protection of your core interests and needs. Yielding rewards the other’s abusive behavior, and counterattacking reinforces it. In either case, you interrupt the other’s process of accepting our No. The choice is yours. The moment you react to the other’s reaction, you are initiating an action-reaction cycle that can go on forever. The alternative is not to react but rather to stay true to your underlying Yes. Keep your focus on what matters to you.”