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Dependence Quotes

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Dependence Quotes

“Meditation is the way to be with ourselves and to learn to accept our own aloneness. In aloneness, I experiment with being consciously alone as a door to be egoless. In conscious aloneness, the ego can not function. In aloneness, you are not. I have always been comfortable with my own aloneness as an inner source of love, joy, truth, silence and wholeness. When we depend on other people, it becomes a bondage - instead of a freedom. I took this sunday as a meditation to be consciously alone, and to accept all feelings of pain, of not being loved and the fear of being nobody that would come up during the meditation. This meditation goes up and down during the day: at certain moments, I can totally accept my aloneness. It feels fine to accept that I am alone and that I am nobody. At other moments, I feel the pain of not being loved, when the meditation brings up how dependence on other people is a barrier to totally accept my aloneness. I take a coffee at a restaurant. I am the only person that sits alone in the restaurant, while the other guests are couples and families eating sunday dinner. It brings up painful feelings of not being loved and wanting to be needed by other people, when I see how much people cling to each other in the couples and the families. Escaping your aloneness through relationships and needing other people's attention through being a teacher, a politician or by being rich or famous, are ways of escaping the pain of aloneness. But then the relationships are not really love. Only when you are capable of being alone, you can really love. When we can be alone, we discover the inner source of love, which is our true nature. When we can be alone, it open the door to be one with the Whole.”

“Greatness is not dependent on your background, it is dependent on how much value you were able to add to yourself per time.”

“In an advanced industrial society it becomes almost impossible to seek, even to imagine, unemployment as a condition for autonomous, useful work. The infrastructure of society is arranged so that only the job gives access to the tools of production...Housework, handicrafts, subsistence agriculture, radical technology, learning exchanges, and the like are degraded into activities for the idle, the unproductive, the very poor, or the very rich. A society that fosters intense dependence on commodities thus turns its unemployed into either its poor or its dependents.”

“It is indeed curious that engagement in paid work should represent such a powerful symbol of maturity and independence, given the realities of employment as a situation of profound dependency. I speak not only of the dependency inherent in the wage relation, but also of the dependency on commercial products and services, which become the only way to meet certain needs after work has drained our time and energy. [ch.six]”

“One doesn't even inherently need to possess dreams, desires, passions, or hobbies. But these are made obligatory; that's how society "operates." It is clearly visible that many people are full of dreams, desires, passions, and hobbies, not because they are independent artists or real geniuses, but solely because the system forces them to be and they unconsciously absorb it into themselves. If that system didn't exist, they would be like barren wastelands.”

“You can love out of joy or misery. When you love out of misery it is a need. You are not coming out of the joy of your being, you are coming from misery. You need the other to make you happy. You are dependent on the other to make you happy. And because you are dependent on the other for your happiness, love becomes a bondage. Love is not freedom. You cannot be separate and you cannot be together with the other person. When love comes out of the joy of your being it is authentic love. Now you arenot dependent on the other for your happiness. Now you are simply sharing yourjoy. Your life is a gift. You give out of your abundance. Meditation makes you joyful in your aloneness. Meditation is the first step,and love is the second step. When you have the joy, then share it, because by sharing it, it grows. The more you give, the more you have. And the less you give, the less you will have. If you do not give, it will disappear from you. If you want infinite love and joy, then go on giving unconditionally. The ultimate experience in giving infinitely is called God. That is pouring oneself into existence with love and joy. It is like the river pouring itself into the ocean. And then the river becomes the ocean.”

“We rejoice in others, but not in ourselves. We get a little happiness, but always from others. Do we ever rejoice in ourselves? The seeker, the meditator, should start delighting in himself. He should slowly give up delighting in others. Happiness and unhappiness are related to other people and outer causes. As long as happiness and unhappiness is dependent on others and outer causes, we are dependent on others and we will not find our inner source of bliss. Living dependent on others for happiness makes you a slave. You sit unoccupied and feeling unhappy. You think that if some friend arrives it will give some fun. Alone, You begin to feel sad. The meditator should start rejoicing in himself. You are sitting alone, be joyous. Without external reasons, simply be happy. Do not make your happiness dependent on the other or outer causes. Happiness can only come from within, without any reason. Happiness because of others and outer reasons is only a false happiness - love, relationships, power, money, status, position and fame - the end result will always be frustration and misery.”

“We may finally summarize the emotional dilemma of the schizoid thus: he feels a deep dread of entering into a real personal relationship, i.e. one into which genuine feeling enters, because, though his need for a love-object is so great, he can only sustain a relationship at a deep emotional level on the basis of infantile and absolute dependence. To the love-hungry schizoid faced internally with an exciting but deserting object all relationships are felt to be 'swallowing-up things' which trap and imprison and destroy. If your hate is destructive you are still free to love because you can find someone else to hate. But if you feel your love is destructive the situation is terrifying. You are always impelled into a relationship by your needs and at once driven out again by the fear either of exhausting your love-object by the demands you want to make or else losing your own individuality by over-dependence and identification. This 'in and out' oscillation is the typical schizoid behaviour, and to escape from it into detachment and loss of feeling is the typical schizoid state. The schizoid feels faced with utter loss, and the destruction of both ego and object, whether in a relationship or out of it. In a relationship, identification involves loss of the ego, and incorporation involves a hungry devouring and losing of the object. In breaking away to independence, the object is destroyed as you fight a way out to freedom, or lost by separation, and the ego is destroyed or emptied by the loss of the object with whom it is identified. The only real solution is the dissolving of identification and the maturing of the personality, the differentiation of ego and object, and the growth of a capacity for cooperative independence and mutuality, i.e. psychic rebirth and development of a real ego.”

“It is so much more threatening to have something out of hand than to believe that at any moment I can stop (I started to say "This foolishness") any time I need to. When I wrote the previous letter, I had made up my mind I would show you how I could be very composed and cool and not need to ask you to listen to me nor to explain anything to me nor need any help. By telling you that all this about the multiple personalities was not really true but just put on, I could show, or so I thought, that I did not need you. Well, it would have been easier if it were put on. But the only ruse of which I'm guilty is to have pretended for so long before coming to you that nothing was wrong. Pretending that the personalities did not exist has now caused me to lose about two days. Three weeks later Sybil reaffirmed her belief in the existence of her other selves in a letter to Miss Updyke, the school nurse of undergraduate days.”

“You feel trapped by your home?” Heatherstar tipped her head questioningly. “Are we trapped by the sky, or the earth?” she asked. “Are we trapped because we need prey to live? Or water to drink? Or air to breathe? We depend on all these things, but they don’t make us feel trapped.” Her eyes burned in the darkness. “Can you imagine what your life will be like without the protection of your Clan? You will have to hunt for yourself, heal yourself if you get hurt. There will be no one to share your victories. Or your defeats.” Talltail’s ears twitched. “But I will be free.” “You will be free to discover where your heart truly lies.”

“With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.”