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Quote by Arj Barker

“Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.”

Quote by Arj Barker

Author

Arj Barker is a British comedian, born on August 12, 1974. He is known for his unique sense of humor and sharp wit, often bringing laughter to audiences through television and stage performances. more

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“I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.”

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“Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.”

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“It's too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new fonts. 'Great party Arj. Best party ever.' What a jerk! How do you know he wasn't being sincere, Arj? Because he wrote it in Sarcastica! If he had enjoyed himself, he would have used Good Times Roman.”

Ifs Knows Needs Used Difficult Party Communication My Friends Solve Enjoyed Tone Good Times Sincere Do You Know Jerk Fonts Being Sincere Great Party Electronic Communication Best Party

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“You can get tested now for early onset Alzheimer's. Hold on a second, could someone hire a marching band, cause I'm so happy I feel like having a parade. You mean I can find out early if I'm going to die of a super horrible disease that there's no cure for? Well, whoopee!”

Ifs Feels Wells Mean I Can Dies Causes Band Disease Horrible Cures Tested Parades Alzheimer Alzheimer's Marching Band

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“Anarchy is the only slight glimmer of hope.”

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“My general rule of thumb is, once something's a ride at Disneyland, I assume that it is no longer a threat in real life. Which is why I don't expect to get attacked by a giant tea cup anytime soon.”

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“I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.”

Ifs Facts Risk News Tired Hearing Quitting Smoking Cigarette Good News Bad News I Quit Jogging

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“I'm thinking of switching banks, and my friend said, 'Well, what's wrong with Citibank?' Well, they can't spell 'city.' I hope their math is better than their English is.”

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“Home is wherever I am. People make too big a deal about where you live. I try to be grounded in myself. Home is another way of saying 'a place where you keep all your stuff'.”

People Way Trying Home Bigs Stuff Deals Grounded Another Way Where You Live

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“I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.”

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Book:The Marijuana-logues: Everything About Pot That We Could Remember

Source: The Marijuana-logues: Everything About Pot That We Could Remember