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Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex

This book examines the concept of loss as an integral part of personal growth and emotional development. It discusses how letting go of attachments, illusions, and dependencies is necessary for maturity, while also addressing the pain and difficulty inherent in these processes. The work draws on psychoanalytic theory and case studies to illustrate how individuals navigate the inevitable disappointments and separations that occur in relationships, career, and self-identity. more

Author

Judith Viorst
Judith Viorst

Judith Viorst is an American author known for her humor and insightful writing. Born on February 2, 1931, her works span across children's literature, adult fiction, and poetry, with a particular talent for depicting life from a child's perspective. more

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“Our ego ideal is precious to us because it repairs a loss of our earlier childhood, the loss of our image of self as perfect and whole, the loss of a major portion of our infantile, limitless, ain't-I-wonderful narcissism which we had to give up in the face of compelling reality. Modified and reshaped into ethical goals and moral standards and a vision of what at our finest we might be, our dream of perfection lives on--our lost narcissism lives on--in our ego ideal.”

GivingSelfWholeDreamRealityMightFacesLostGoalLossPerfectMoralVisionGrowing UpWonderfulChildhoodEgoGiving UpMajorsStandardsIdealsPerfectionEthicalPortionsNarcissismCompellingFinestOur DreamsLimitlessInfantile
Book:Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex
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“Our father presents an optional set of rhythms and responses for us to connect to. As a second home base, he makes it safer to roam. With him as an ally--a love--it is safer, too, to show that we're mad when we're mad at our mother. We can hate and not be abandoned, hate and still love.”

StillsShowsHomeMotherHateFatherMadResponseRhythmAlliesAbandonedOur FatherOptionalHome Base
Book:Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex
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“Just as children, step by step, must separate from their parents, we will have to separate from them. And we will probably suffer...from some degree of separation anxiety: because separation ends sweet symbiosis. Because separation reduces our power and control. Because separation makes us feel less needed, less important. And because separation exposes our children to danger.”

FeelsChildrenImportantEndsSufferingParentStepsDangerSweetNeededDegreesAnxietyOur ChildrenSeparationPower And ControlSymbiosis
Author:Judith Viorst
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“We can glut ourselves with how-to-raise children information . . . strive to become more mature and aware but none of this will spare us from the . . . inevitability that some of the time we are going to fail our children. Because there is a big gap between knowing and doing. Because mature, aware people are imperfect too. Or because some current event in our life may so absorb or depress us that when our children need us we cannot come through.”

PeopleNeedsMayChildrenBigsKnowingOur LivesFailingEventsInformationOur ChildrenRaisesStriveCurrentsMatureGapsParenthoodImperfectDepressingSparesInevitabilityCurrent EventsKnowing And Doing
Author:Judith Viorst
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“Eventually we will learn that the loss of indivisible love is another of our necessary losses, that loving extends beyond the mother-child pair, that most of the love we receive in this world is love we will have to share--and that sharing begins at home, with our sibling rivals.”

WorldChildrenHomeMotherLossLove IsShareThis WorldPairsRivalsSiblingRivalryIndivisibleSibling RivalryMother Child
Book:Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex
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“We have to divide mother love with our brothers and sisters. Our parents can help us cope with the loss of our dream of absolute love. But they cannot make us believe that we haven't lost it.”

BelieveHelpingDreamMotherLostParentLossHavensBrotherAbsolutesDividesBrothers And SistersOur DreamsSiblingRivalryMother LoveSibling RivalryAbsolute Love
Book:Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex
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“Control cannot be called conscience until we are able to take it inside us and make it our own, until--in spite of the fact that the wrongs we have done or imagined will never be punished or known--we nonetheless feel that the clutch in the stomach, that chill upon the soul, that self-inflicted misery called guilt.”

FeelsSoulSelfDoneFactsAbleKnownConscienceGuiltMiserySpiteStomachChillClutchSelf Inflicted
Book:Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Ex
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“I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses; never, I believe, by people.”

PeopleBelieveSpeakLanguageI BelieveHorseExcitedMistakenTimidityFrenchmenSpeaks French
Book:Twain: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, and Essays, Volume 1: 1852-1890
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