Home / Quotes / Quote by Emo Philips

Quote by Emo Philips

“I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

You May Also Like

“Isn't this a wonderful country? I was in Florida. I'm staying at a motel called the Three Palms. It's run by a middle-aged couple, one of whom is missing a hand. OK! That's what I thought, too! But they got upset when I asked.”

Country Hands Running Three Wonderful Middle Missing Couple Upset Staying Florida Palms Middle Aged Motels

Author:Emo Philips

“When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.”

Knows Years Firsts Children Running Kids Deals Doors Fronts Let Me Snow Favourite Front Doors Snowfall

Author:Emo Philips

“I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.”

Kids Growing Up Growing Imaginary Close Relationship Imaginary Friend

Author:Emo Philips

“Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.”

Believe Together Band Adults Libertarian

Author:Emo Philips

“If you think black people have a motivation problem, open up a Wal-Mart and advertise a thousand jobs. Watch 5,000 people show up.”

People Ifs Thinking Shows Problem Jobs Motivation Black Watches Thousand Black People

Author:Jesse Jackson

“I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.”

Republican Saving Saving Up

Author:Emo Philips

“I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.”

Streets Walking Workers Code Construction Roof Lunatic Paranoid Construction Workers Morse Code

Author:Emo Philips

“I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.”

Jobs Couple Parks Seats Throwing Screws Amusement Amusement Parks

Author:Emo Philips

“My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.”

Needs Said Crazy Girlfriend Expensive Treatment Radiation My Girlfriend

Author:Emo Philips

“I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.”

Wife My Wife Vow Cheated Celibacy Cheated On

Author:Emo Philips