“I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!” HumorFunnyIndividualConfusedI'm Confused Author:Craig Ferguson
“Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.” SelfHumorFunnyNightBedroomOvensThanksgiving DayThanksgiving ThanksHappy Thanksgiving Author:Craig Ferguson
“If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.” IfsAlcoholBeerCocaineTequila Author:Craig Ferguson
“I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.” HumorFunnyMilkStrokesNaughtyDouble Entendre Author:Craig Ferguson
“The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.” WayFactsHumorFunnyViewsCompany Author:Craig Ferguson
“Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.” MenJesusGivenStarsWiseGroupsObjectsStrangeGoldenMedalOslo Author:Craig Ferguson
“If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.” PeopleIfsWantGivingHumorFunnyTurns Author:Craig Ferguson
“She can't let him go not telling him what she was about to do. Kingsley...I can't do this. I'm coming with you.” I CanLet Him Go Author:Melissa de la Cruz