“I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.”
Quote by Demetri Martin
Author
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“Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.”
“You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.”
“When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.”
“The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.”
“A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.”
“A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.”
“Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.”
“You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.”
