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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.”

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

“There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten country of ours? What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids - she's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately no, there's no excuse. You're going to have to let her drown that third one.”

“I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.”

Thinking Used Internet Stealing Used To Be Ironic Wow Rapper Gangsters Thug Downloads

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party.”

Names Party Losing Tea Hood Tea Party

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.”

Real America Realizing Thousand

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Design is a series of creative choices - it's a collaborative effort, an evolutionary process. You choose your fabrics depending upon what you want to say, then you work with mills to get those fabrics. Through the process, you realize what you want it to be.”

Want Choices Process Realizing Effort Creative Design Series What You Want You Choose Fabric Mills Collaborative Effort

Author:Marc Jacobs

“If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.”

Ifs Made Security Gun Security Guards

Author:Daniel Tosh

“You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.”

Knows Firsts Impression Liars First Impression

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.”

Body Girl Courses Can Do Complaining Complaints Sexiest

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.”

Ifs Knows Want Know How Hair Balls Flats Curly Hair Straight Hair

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.”

Mind Doe Guy Religion Hate Jesus Causes Hell Fire Crazy Theater Phones Hey Cells Lit This Guy Cell Phone Own Business Mind Your Own Business Movie Theater Bracelet Mind Your Own

Author:Daniel Tosh

Quote by Daniel Tosh

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