“Never repeat a rumor before you have verified it. And if it is true, hold your tongue all the more.” Quote by Selma Lagerlöf
“The TSA's airport body scanners have been shown to be so ineffective, the Homeland Security chairman suggested using traditional metal detectors. While LaGuardia will continue to just have a scarecrow dressed as a cop.” Has BeensBodySecurityTraditionalMetalsCopAirportsChairmanHomelandHomeland SecurityScarecrowTsaMetal Detectors Author:Jimmy Fallon
“The White House is worried about Joe Biden's potential run for president, and a source says they fear that it wouldn't have the right outcome. That's right, they think he might win.” ThinkingMightRunningHouseWinningPresidentWhiteSourceWorriedOutcomesWhite HouseBiden Author:Jimmy Fallon
“This week the Obama administration warned China to remove its secret agents from the U.S. Then in the middle of Obama's announcement a plant behind him got up and walked away.” SecretBehindsWeekMiddlePlantChinaAgentsAdministrationRemoveAnnouncementsSecret Agent Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'” SaidPresidentLikesBeachPresident ObamaHawaiiCocktailsMartini Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don't worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a country, everything turned out fine.” CountryLastsGuyWorryCrazyHairFineTrumpImmigrantsLast TimeGrandson Author:Conan O'Brien
“There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term - because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly.” IfsWould BeRunningPresidentTermPromiseReportsPresidencyBiden Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Jeb Bush cheated on his diet and had a fried Snickers bar, pork on a stick, and a beer. Jeb Bush said he ate it so at least he could see some of his numbers go up.” SaidNumbersSticksBarsBeerDietsCheatedPorkCheated OnSnickers Author:Conan O'Brien
“Chris Christie said he will top Donald Trump's Iowa State Fair helicopter entrance by riding in on a pony. As a result, all the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding.” SaidStatesResultsGoneTrumpFairsHidingRidingEntrancesIowaHelicoptersPoniesChristie Author:Conan O'Brien
“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo just signed a bill that bans powdered alcohol from the state. So if you live in New York and you're consuming powdered alcohol, your life just somehow got even worse.” IfsStatesNew YorkBillsAlcoholGovernorsConsumingBansAndrew Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump unveiled his immigration policy and now he's getting a lot of flak. His policy would have prevented his own grandfather from coming to America. That explains his new campaign slogan: 'Vote Trump to prevent another Trump.'” AmericaPolicyTrumpVoteCampaignsImmigrationGrandfatherSlogansImmigration PolicyComing To America Author:Conan O'Brien