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Quote by Greg Behrendt

“If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.”

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Greg Behrendt, born on July 21, 1963, is an American stand-up comedian known for his unique humor style and profound emotional insights. He has had a significant impact in the comedy industry. more

“I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.”

Ifs Knows Years Two Kids House Causes Attitude Situation Know How Doors Design Let Me Halloween Costumes Candy

Author:Greg Behrendt

“I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.”

Should Shows Remember Next Television Offers Not Interested Next Time Talk Shows Daytime

Author:Greg Behrendt

“I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks.”

Ifs Thinking Way Shows Hands Faces Certain Hate Magic Fronts Ears I Hate Wave Tricks Quarters Impressed Show Business Magician Wizards Fooled

Author:Greg Behrendt

“Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.”

Long Meetings Notes Stuck Faster

Author:Greg Behrendt

“Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.”

Wish Wish You I Wish You Would

Author:Greg Behrendt

“It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.”

Trying Kind Persons Use Dream Track Likes Versions Attractive Empowering Get Back Dreams You Have Back On Track

Author:Greg Behrendt

“The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!”

Pain Confusion Over It Confusing Bad Relationship

Author:Greg Behrendt

“Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.”

Feels Firsts Hard Done Morality Easier First Time Guilt Cheating Betray

Book:He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Source: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Quote by Greg Behrendt

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