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Quote by Norm MacDonald

“Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.”

Quote by Norm MacDonald

Author

Norm MacDonald is a Canadian comedian known for his unique humor style and satirical wit. Born on October 17, 1963, he has been active in the television and film industry since the 1980s. MacDonald is recognized for his roles in comedy shows and his performances in movies, which are often characterized by sharp observations and wit that resonate with audiences. more

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“After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.”

Inspiration Today Stars Months Gay Inspired Diets Speculation Guru Sitcom Really Gay

Author:Norm MacDonald

“You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the motion of the ocean, it's the boat of the lotion.' I've even heard variants..., it's not the tree or the size, it's the axe that you wax.' It's a whole sub-genre of poetry now that's taught in many of our finer institutions.”

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Author:Norm MacDonald

“I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.”

Bigs Guy Turns New York Gay Bunch Parades Gay Guy

Author:Norm MacDonald

“All kinds of violence on the TV. You're not supposed to watch violence on the TV. Children, they can't watch it 'cause they're afraid maybe the kids will copy something they see on the TV. I can't even get a funny cartoon anymore because some 12-year-old somewhere watched a particularly violent episode of the Road Runner-Coyote show, and the next day, they found him at the bottom of a canyon, two giant springs strapped to his feet.”

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Author:Norm MacDonald

“Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.”

Self Sex Notes Blow Dolls Note To Self Dirty Work

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“It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.”

Ifs Knows Men Two Hard Guy Stuff Sports Rocks Like You Tough Hey Champion Cliffs Comeback Other Guys Diving Classification Hey You

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.”

Knows Feels Interest Loses Minutes Twenties Bored Dirty Ashamed Fifteen Dirty Movie

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.”

Sex Fiction Bunch Dirty Satire Urban Pumps Friction Pulp

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“The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.”

Years Said Lasts Past Death Five Week Stones Twenties Five Years Cheating Rolling Fifth Twenty Five Rolling Stones Keith Reunited Fifth Anniversary

Author:Norm MacDonald