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Quote by Lewis Black

“FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass.”

Quote by Lewis Black

Author

Lewis Black is a renowned American comedian known for his sharp wit and incisive humor. Born on August 30, 1948, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1980s, gaining widespread recognition for his unique style of humor that often tackles social issues and current events with a humorous twist. more

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“Here's why I think there's something a little odd with George Bush. Because a lot of the times when he speaks, his words don't match his face. Something is askew. You can't talk about the war with a smile on your face. He does it constantly. If you're the President, you should go We're going to talk about the war, I must have a frowny face. The only time you can smile when you're talking about the war in Iraq is when you go, Well, two Iraqis walk into a bar, hahaha.”

Ifs Thinking Should Wells Littles Doe Two War Faces Speak President Walks Talking Iraq Bars Odd Your Face Only Time Smile On Your Face Hahaha

Author:Lewis Black

“In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.”

Done Together Lasts Five Four Drug Seasons Snow Thirty Twelve Sixty Lightning Thunder Ninety Last Day

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“Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.”

Two Color Planets Taste Red Green Color Red Red And Green

Author:Lewis Black

“If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.”

Ifs Feels Guy Seeing Fronts Tomorrow Singing Planes Psychiatrist That Guy Subway Happy Day Wasting Money

Author:Lewis Black

“I have N'Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell.”

Hell Spears Sync Aerosmith Trifecta

Author:Lewis Black

“I think reconciliation is Obama's goal - but the fight with the Republicans is like a fight with pit bulls, they never let go. Even worse, now the Republicans feel they can keep pushing and he will keep giving. They have not seen a stiff resistance on his part.”

Thinking Giving Feels Fighting Goal Republican Letting Go Resistance Pushing Reconciliation Bulls Pits Never Let Go Pit Bull

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“When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It's a Back-to-School holiday!”

Firsts School Night Compare Holiday Comparison Notebook Sock Erasers Hanukkah

Author:Lewis Black

“The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same load of crap with a '2' in the front. When I was a kid, I am old enough so that when I was a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium. When I was young, I said, 'I'm gonna live through a change! A massive change! Things are gonna be different! Things are gonna be great!' Screwed again! No flying cars! No flying cars!”

Said Different Enough Kids Young Differences Car Fronts Disappointment Flying Different Things Massive Load Crap Millennium Flying Cars Massive Change

Author:Lewis Black

“I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.”

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Author:Lewis Black

“I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.”

Way Should Believe Country Hard I Believe Laughing Paper Should Have Wow Headlines Dwarfs Great Day Dwarves Hippo

Author:Lewis Black