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A Manual for Victory

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Gift Gugu Mona

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“His hazel eyes guttered. 'Not eating won't bring your father back.' 'This has nothing to do with this,' she hissed. 'Nothing.' He braced his forearms on the table. 'We're going to cut the bullshit. You think I haven't gone through what you're dealing with? You think I haven't seen and done and felt all that before? And seen those I love deal with it , too? You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. What happened to your father was terrible, Nesta, but-' She shot to her feet. 'You don't know anything.' She couldn't stop the shaking that overtook her. From rage or something else, she didn't know. She balled her hands into fists. 'Keep your fucking opinions to yourself.' He blinked at the profanity., at that she guessed was the white-hot rage crinkling her face. And then he said, 'Who taught you to curse?' She squeezed her fists harder. 'You lost. You have the filthiest mouths I've ever heard.' Cassian's eyes narrowed with amusement, but his mouth remained a thin line. 'I'll keep my fucking opinions to myself if you eat.' She threw every bit of venom she could muster into her gaze. He only waited. Unmovable as the mountain into which the House had been built.”

“I didn't call my father. Instead I thought about my aunt. I hadn't thought about her for a long time. But I imagined Marla bursting into the room, restarting my mother the way she used to restart old cars. I imagined my aunt punching the doctors who failed us. I imagined my aunt flying into the side of the building and bursting in through the window in a spangle of broken glass, her eyes flashing like rubies, her dragonish scales a brilliant contrast to the thin hospital light, her muscles rippling across her flexible frame. An astonishment of light and heat and violent intellect.”

“Nesta only simmered, near-shaking with rage. Or cold. Cauldron, it was cold in here. Only the heated floors offered any reprieve. 'Fire,' he said, and the House obeyed. A great blaze flared to life in the hearth behind him. 'No fire,' she said, focused upon Cassian, though her words were not to him. The House seemed to ignore her. 'No fire,' she ordered. He could have sworn she blanched slightly. For a heartbeat, he was again in Rhys's mother's house in Windhaven. She'd been staring and staring into the fire, as if speaking to it, as if unaware that even he was there. The fire crackled and popped. Nesta seethed to the open air. 'I said-' A log cracked, as if the House was merrily ignoring her, adding heat to the flame. But Nesta flinched. Barely a blink and half a shudder, but her entire body went rigid. Fear and dread flashed over her features, then vanished. Strange.”

“She didn't want to be in her head, didn't want to be in her body. Wanted the beating of drums and the riotous song of a fiddle to fill her with sound, to silence any thoughts. Wanted to find a bottle of wine and drink deep, let the wine pull her out of herself, set her mind drifting and numb.”