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Quote by Laurence Heller

“Attempts to stop smoking or give up any sort of self-destructive addictive behavior such as drugs, alcohol, hypersexuality, overeating, or overworking, often fail because it is very difficult to give up a means of self-regulation even when it is unhealthy until it can be replaced with a better form of self-regulation.”

Quote by Laurence Heller

Book:Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
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Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship

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Laurence Heller

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“Indeed, lack of self-control may be at the root of all emotional disorders, so named because the person is controlled by anxiety and depression rather than vice versa. Everyone experiences negative emotions; what determines whether they escalate to full-blown disorders may simply be whether the person has the ability to circumscribe them.”

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Book:Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification
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“Attention is crucial to the success of self-regulation, and indeed attentional processes often constitute the first step toward either success or failure at self-regulation. As mentioned, reduced self-monitoring is often a precipitating factor in self-regulation failure because it is quite easy to lose track of one’s status or quit regulating oneself when one cannot evaluate the distance between the current state and the goal state ... When people cease to attend to their own behavior, self-regulation typically deteriorates.”

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“Wouldn’t narcissism be valuable from a Darwinian perspective? From an evolutionary perspective, the narcissist actually has the best plumage and appears to be the best mate. A purely evolutionary view does not account for what we know about the value of authenticity, self-regulation, discipline, loyalty, and community.”

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“Self-regulation is highly valued. Even if we find them a bit tedious, we admire people who stick to an exercise regimen. We certainly value people who do not express every negative emotion they experience, those who are “low maintenance” because they can control their reactions to disappointment and insecurity. We can count on the self-controlled person to keep her promises because she will not be distracted in the course of so doing.”

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“If parents can instill self-control in their children, they can achieve a powerful and important effect that will benefit their offspring for years to come. Indulgent parenting and an excessive concern with maximizing children’s self-esteem may, however, be detrimental to self-control, producing instead a personality that is weak, narcissistic, and self-indulgent.”

WeaknessNarcissismSelf ControlIndulgenceSelf Regulation
Book:Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification
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