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Quote by Janeane Garofalo

“My hell is going to be the stairmaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they're gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke style.”

Quote by Janeane Garofalo

Author

Janeane Garofalo

Janeane Garofalo is an American comedian known for her unique humor style and satirical commentary. Born on September 28, 1964, she gained prominence in the comedy scene during the 1990s and early 2000s. Garofalo is celebrated for her performances in television, film, and theater, often addressing social and political issues in her work. more

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“If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions.”

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“Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the young people. They don't have the debilitating self-loathing and the second guessing.”

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“Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms.”

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“Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.”

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“Until as women we all say, No! We are not going to starve ourselves, nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men.”

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“Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing.”

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“You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.”

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“I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.”

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“Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.”

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“I married him because he told me it was the only way he could protect me. If we were just manager and client, my family could do whatever they wanted to get me back, but if I was his wife, they couldn't.”

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