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Quote by Andy Kindler

“I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.”

Quote by Andy Kindler

Author

Andy Kindler is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp satire. Born on October 16, 1956, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1980s. Kindler is recognized for his performances in television shows, movies, and on stage, with his work often delving into social and political issues. more

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“Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all you have to do is call them up and tell them there's a Hitler film festival down at the multiplex - watch them file out.”

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“They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. They keep you out in the woods and won't let you come back until you're funny. Lenny Bruce came up with his Religions Inc. bit on a day hike.”

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“Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.”

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“I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.”

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“Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.”

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“I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.”

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“Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.”

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“I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act.”

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