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Quote by Stephen Colbert

“Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.”

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Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert is an American comedian, writer, television host, and political commentator. He is known for his satirical style on the show 'The Colbert Report' and is recognized for his wit and humor, often offering sharp commentary on political and social issues. more

“The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.”

“Republican Congressman Pete Hoekstra has charged the Bush administration with keeping programs secret from Congress. Somehow no one from Congress reads the New York Times, I guess.”

Secret New York Republican Program Congress Administration New York Times Congressman

Author:Jay Leno

“Mexico is divided over the results of its presidential election. The U.S.had offered to send in a task force to help determine the outcome, but unfortunately the Supreme Court is currently not in session.”

Helping Force Results Tasks Election Court Determine Supreme Presidential Outcomes Divided Mexico Supreme Court Session Presidential Election Task Forces

Author:Allan Ray

“Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as "karma." The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings.”

Believe Lasts Lost I Believe Causes President Deals Week Flower Please Lays Karma Saving Officials Elderly Savings Passed Away Enron Life Saving Lost Money

Author:Jay Leno

“At Ken Lay's funeral service the minister compared him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior. The difference is Dr. King had a dream, Ken Lay had a scheme.”

Dream Differences Kings Lays Ministers Funeral Schemes Drs Luther Juniors Dr Martin Luther King

Author:Jay Leno

“I have no fear that the result of our experiment will be that men may be trusted to govern themselves without a master.”

Men May Results Liberty Masters Experiments Trusted No Fear American Revolution Have No Fear Self-government

Book:The writings of Thomas Jefferson: being his autobiography, correspondence, reports, messages, addresses, and other writings, official and private

Source: The writings of Thomas Jefferson: being his autobiography, correspondence, reports, messages, addresses, and other writings, official and private

“Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?.”

Heart Lasts Week Died Lays Bother Heart Attack Crooks Why Bother Enron

Author:Jay Leno

“Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed his sleeves together so he couldn't put his hands in anyone's pockets when they walked by. You know when they say in a eulogy, "You're all richer for having known him." I don't think they're going to hear that.”

Thinking Knows Hands Today Together Known Arms Lays Pockets Chests Thieves Sleeves Eulogy Crooks

Author:Jay Leno

“If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"”

Ifs Knows Doe Would Be Asks Right Now Devil Lays If I Could Do You Know Prada

Author:Jay Leno

“White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in "Duh" magazine.”

Stories Today Political House White Identity Source Magazines White House Cia Adviser Disclosure Duh

Author:Andy Borowitz

Quote by Stephen Colbert

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