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Famous Andy Borowitz Quotes
“A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.”
“To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.”
“I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.”
“Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.”
“As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”
“Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.”
“Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"”
“If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them”
“Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.”
“It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.”
“The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.”
“Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'”
“Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.”
“Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.”
“Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.”
“A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.”