“a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done”
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Famous Fred Allen Quotes
“All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.”
“I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.”
“A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.”
Source: Treadmill to Oblivion
Source: Much Ado About me
Source: Treadmill to Oblivion
“Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.”
“My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.”
“Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.”
“My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.”
“He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.”
“To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.”
Source: Treadmill to Oblivion
“There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.”
“He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.”
Source: Treadmill to Oblivion
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
“California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.”
“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
“The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.”
“An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.”
“A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.”
“Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.”
“My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.”
Source: Much Ado About me
“An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.”
“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”
“Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.”
Source: Much Ado About me
“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”
“If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.”
“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”
“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.”
“I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.”