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Quote by Fred Allen

“All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.”

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Fred Allen was a renowned American comedian, born on May 31, 1894, and died on March 17, 1956. Known for his unique humor style and satirical wit, he was a regular on American radio and television programs from the 1930s to the 1940s. more

“Do you know what she did today?" He leaned confidentially across the table, pointing at the dishes in the sink. "She went to the market and left all the breakfast dishes there and said she'd do them later. I know what she wanted. She expected me to do them. Well, I'll fool her. I'll leave them just where they are.”

Humour Dishes Atlas Shrugged

Author:Ayn Rand

“Network administrators all share an abiding and passionate desire for one thing: We want our users to shut up.”

Humour Network

Author:Michael W. Lucas

“The big bad monster wasn't green and hiding under the bed, it wore tasteless floral prints, bright scarlet lipstick and sat in the kitchen smoking and saying 'bollocks' alot.”

Humour

Author:Jo Brand

“He must have been delightful," she said, "when he was alive!”

Humour Invalid

Book:The Rose-Garden Husband

Source: The Rose-Garden Husband

“Eating was easy. Thinking was hard.”

Humour

Book:The Daylight Gate

Source: The Daylight Gate

“His jaw was set, telling me I should back off. Unfortunately, being a gobby cow meant I couldn’t.”

Humour

Book:If I Let You Go

Source: If I Let You Go

“This is just your penis having the feels for my vagina. Your penis is making prank calls! and every single time your penis makes a prank call, my vagina answers the phone. And then you hang up. Or your penis claims wrong number or misdial or no hablo Ingles. It's infuriating, and it's called genital call me maybe.”

Love Humor Funny Humour

Book:Love Hacked

Source: Love Hacked

“If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.”

“To me, the meaning of a human life is to be happy. It's to achieve happiness right now, it's to make sure you're happy in the future. And if some people on YouTube try to have a message to give people, I guess that mine is: do whatever you have to do to be happy.”

Happiness Danisnotonfire

Author:Dan Howell

“Shall we proceed, and ought I do so with my knife drawn?” “You’d better keep it where it is for the moment,” he said. “Otherwise you might stab me to death accidentally.” . “If I stab you to death,” she said, “it will not be accidental.”

Humour

Book:Mr. Impossible

Source: Mr. Impossible

Quote by Fred Allen

Author

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