Source: I Am America
Filter quotes by topic
Famous Stephen Colbert Quotes
“The next sentence is false. The previous sentence is true. I'll wait while your heads explode.”
Source: I Am America
Source: I Am America
“As far as I can tell, a young-adult novel is a regular novel that people actually read.”
Source: I Am America
Source: I Am America
“I believed in global warming after Al Gore's movie made money; the market had spoken.”
“Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's why I never apologize to my mirror.”
“I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.”
“While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.”
“It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.”
“I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.”
“The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.”
“It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.”
“If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations.”
“John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.”
“John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.”
“I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.”
“I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.”