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I Just Woke Up Dead: A Memoir

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Justin Donner

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“Severin's blue-green eyes were friendly and inquisitive. The angle of the light on his face caught his right eye, illuminating the extra green. "This takes a bit of getting used to," he said. "All this smiling and good spirits. You've never been one of those lighthearted fellows." "I'm not lighthearted, I'm... wholehearted." Severin smiled reflectively as they stood to shake hands. "It must be nice," he mused, "to be any kind of hearted.”

“The crowds have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from any evidence that is not to their preference, preferring to worship falsehood, if falisty seduces them. Whoever can supply them with delusions becomes their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions becomes their victim. An individual in a crowd is a grain of sand among other grains of sand, which the wind stirs up at will.”

“The crowds have never thirsted after truth. They ignore any evidence that is not to their preference, preferring to worship falsehood, if falsity seduces them. Whoever can supply them with delusions becomes their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions becomes their victim.”

“So if the ending of apartheid is now universally agreed to be a good thing, and Cuba played such a central role, how is it still possible to have such differing views of Castro and Mandela and of Cuba and South Africa? The short answer is that the mainstream media has been so successful in distorting basic historical facts that many are so blinded by Cold War hangovers that they are entirely incapable of critical thought, but the other answer is rather more Machiavellian. The reality is that apartheid did not die, and thus the reason so many white conservatives now love Mandela is essentially that he let their cronies "get away with it". The hypocritical worship of black freedom fighters once they are no longer seen to pose a danger or are safely dead - Martin Luther King might be the best example of this - is one of the key ways of maintaining a liberal veneer over what in reality is brutal intent.”

“Though I did not have the statistics, just observing the number of women on the streets during peak hours dressed for work, it was obvious that a greater percentage of women in Vanni went to work outside the home. There were also more women in civilian clothes riding motorbikes on Vanni roads compared to the rest of the island. Women, both LTTE members as well as civilians, occupied the public space in large numbers. They were very visible on the roads and in the LTTE institutions. This gave Vanni a uniquely pro-woman character, which was absent elsewhere on the island. ... It was a unique kind of feminism, created by connecting the majority of women living all over Vanni, from all walks of life, for public action regarding women and children in need of help”

“There are hundreds of political prisoners right now in America’s jails who were so taken by Malcolm [X’s} spirit that they became warriors and the powers that be understood them as warriors. They knew that a lot of these other middle-class [black] leaders were not warriors; they were professionals; they were careerists. But these warriors had callings, and they have paid an incalculable and immeasurable price in those cells.”

“It must be said here, however, that among the activities that all LTTE members, both men and women, enjoyed most was reminiscing about events of the past. Watching them enjoying such conversations, one would think that they were the happiest people on earth because the interactions would be filled with laughter. They would discuss dead comrades, past battles, instances of near capture by the Lankan Military, receiving punishment from superiors, etc. But all of these subjects were discussed with a sense of humor. One SLMM member, who had noticed this without being able to understand the language, once commented that for a set of liberation fighters they did spend an awful lot of time talking and laughing. All of them indeed carried with them a great deal of painful memories and this, it seemed, was their therapy”