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The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours

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Christopher Dines

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“Bottom lines are addictive behaviours that we make a conscious choice not to repeat. For example, a recovering cocaine addict would create a bottom line that they will not use a mind- or mood-altering substance to deliberately get high. A recovering sex addict might create a bottom line not to watch pornography or not to have sex without any emotional or spiritual connection. Bottom lines are a symbol of our intentions and are very useful at a practical level to address addictions. In many recovery communities, twelve-step fellowships and addiction rehabs, there is also a concept called ‘top lines’.”

AddictionAddiction And RecoverySex And Love AddictionAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessTwelve Step FellowshipsBottom Lines
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“Top lines to a human being who tends to isolate (an avoidant) would mean they make an effort to talk to another human being when the opportunity arises. A top line can also mean that, whether we feel like it or not, we are committed to our recovery and to improving our emotional and professional life. The idea of ‘top lines’ is not to be hard on ourselves or to put us in a position where we feel unsafe or burnt out. It’s a way to avoid missing opportunities to learn, serve and grow.”

AddictionAddiction And RecoveryAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessTwelve Step FellowshipsTop Lines
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“Body scan meditation is mentally scanning through each part of the body with presence. It helps us be one with the body. Thus, we can feel if we are holding on to any tension or heaviness or any static emotions. And by doing so, we can find relief and internal freedom.”

MindfulnessAddictionAddiction And RecoveryAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessBody Scan Meditation
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“In the addiction recovery community, we recognise that addicts can starve themselves of receiving social, sexual or emotional nourishment. Sex and love addicts starve themselves of a healthy, personal relationship and, consequently, deliberately avoid wholesome relationships with other human beings. We’re getting quite deep now, but there are many papers and books published on sexual and emotional anorexia. I have also suffered from emotional anorexia. It’s no myth!”

AddictionAddiction And RecoverySex And Love AddictionAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessSexual And Emotional Anorexia
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“If you want to know the value of one year, just ask a student who failed a course. If you want to know the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. If you want to know the value of one hour, ask the lovers waiting to meet. If you want to know the value of one minute, ask the person who just missed the bus. If you want to know the value of one second, ask the person who just escaped death in a car accident. And if you want to know the value of one-hundredth of a second, ask the athlete who won a silver medal in the Olympics.”

LifeSecondLife ValuesMonth
Book:Et si c'était vrai..., Vous revoir, édition complète 2 en 1
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“Becker later came to the starting realization on his deathbed: that people’s immortality projects were actually the problem, not the solution; that rather than attempting t implement, often through lethal force, their conceptual self across the world, people should question their conceptual self and become more comfortable with the reality of their own death. Becker called this “the bitter antidote”, and struggled with reconciling it himself as he stared down his own demise. While death is bad, it is inevitable. Therefore, we should not avoid this realization , but rather come to terms with it as best we can. Because once we become comfortable with the fact of our own death - the root terror, the underlying anxiety motivating all of life’s frivolous ambitions - we can then choose our values more freely, unrestrained by the illogical quest for immortality, and freed from dangerous dogmatic views.”

PrioritiesLife Values
Book:The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
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