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Quote by Joan Didion

“It is the phenomenon sometimes called “alienation from self.” In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something; that we could say no without drowning in self-reproach is an idea alien to this game. Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the specter of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that answering it becomes out of the question. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves – there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home”

Quote by Joan Didion

Work

On Self-Respect

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Author

Joan Didion
Joan Didion

Joan Didion is an American author born on December 5, 1934. Known for her distinctive narrative style and profound insights into modern life, her works have gained recognition for their unique perspective and deep understanding of the complexities of contemporary society. more

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“The days when he had taken insults passively had passed, as had the days when he would melt in tears. He had never understood what made the others do it, only that he was somehow apart from them, somehow differ- ent, and that he would never fit in. From the time Serena had first held him after it happened, when he was only five, his mother had counseled patience. "Ignore them," she said. "Deny them the satisfaction of seeing you rise in anger." She too had suffered this way. "Pay no attention to them. They are only jealous of your noble birth." She had tried to soften their in- sults. "When they call you half-breed you must remem- ber what it really means, that you are the best of two worlds, the best of the French and the best of the Tuareg." Her advice felt warm and wise while he was on her lap, but evaporated quickly in the schoolyard. His patience only drove his tormentors to greater creativity in their taunts, and then they accused him of cowardice, of being a sissy. If he cried it drove them to new heights of viciousness. And then one day when Moussa was eight Henri had seen his bruised cheek and asked about it, and Moussa had poured out his sorrow and his dilemma. "Your mother is right in her way," Henri agreed after listening, "but just now I think they need a good thrashing. You need to teach them a lesson. I wish it weren't so, but they respect only strength." After that Moussa tried hard not to forget his mother's advice, but he found that fists often worked better. At first he lost most of the fights, but a bloody nose from fighting back felt better to him than a bloody nose from doing nothing. And with practice, along with the instruction he received from his father and Gascon, he got better. Before long the students learned to taunt him at their own peril, for even if they might finally beat him, they would pay a heavy price.”

“Having self-respect and having an ego are two different things. An ego is all about trying to establish superiority over the other person, it’s about trying to show the other person that it is they that wield power and the other person should bow down to their whims. Self-respect is different. It is about having a healthy self-image of yourself and being confident. It’s about thinking highly of yourself without thinking low of others. It’s about looking at yourself in the mirror and being proud of who you are, instead of being ashamed of what you are being forced to become”

“Nothing is more important than self-respect. Not money, not love, not your designation. If there is one thing that matters most in life in addition to mental peace, it is self-respect. And frankly if you do not have self-respect, there is no way you can be happy in the first place, no matter how much money you make, what position you attain in life or whether you are with someone who claims to love you, because when you can’t respect yourself, there is absolutely no chance of peace in life.”

“Some people have been brainwashed with the idea that they should always be a people pleaser under all circumstances. They bend over backwards so many times and try so hard to win the respect of everyone else, that ultimately people only see them as soft targets that can be manipulated and used as per their wishes. And no, they are not respected. Respect is commanded, it can never be begged for.”

“Countless people, and not just women, men as well, stay in emotionally and physically abusive relationships, or in relationships where they are manipulated, taken for granted and demeaned at every single step. And yet they chose to accept their circumstances because they are either afraid of being alone or because they are expected to tolerate the abuse by society OR because they are so in love with the manipulative person that they seemed to have lost their identity. They think that by choosing to accept that abuse and losing their identity, the other person will actually appreciate their loyalty and love them more, or eventually realize their mistake and change. But unfortunately, that never happens, and certainly never happens if you don’t take a stand and refuse to accept the abuse any further. On the contrary, the person starts taking them for granted and is encouraged to make thing worse, because they think that no matter what happens, you are always going to be there and silently take all the crap they give you.”

“Self-love isn't just about bubble baths and treating yourself – although those are great, too! It's about embracing your flaws, celebrating your victories, and being your own biggest cheerleader. So go ahead, give yourself a pat on the back, throw yourself a compliment or two, and remember that you're pretty darn amazing, flaws and all. After all, when you love yourself unconditionally, you become unstoppable.”

“Self-love is your VIP backstage pass to life's greatest show. It's like the glitter that makes your existence sparkle! When you truly love yourself, you're the star of your own story, and you don't let anyone else write your script. You become a magnet for positivity and good vibes, radiating confidence like a rockstar. Self-love isn't just a feeling; it's a whole concert of self-celebration, where you're the headliner! So, dance to your own beat, sing your own song!”

“Reading poetry is like undressing before a bath. You don't undress out of fear that your clothes will become wet. You undress because you want the water to touch you. You want to completely immerse yourself in the feeling of the water and to emerge anew.”