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All That You Leave Behind: A Memoir

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Erin Lee Carr

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“Fathers! You have no idea the impact that your example has on the person your child will become. Everything you say to them will be like a stud or brick in their construction. Would you build a house with crappy supplies? Do you think that you can skimp on costs and still expect a quality house? Do you think you can just toss it all together and hope it stands up? No! You have to have a plan, the right materials, and careful construction procedures to build a proper house. You can't ignore your kids, or parent without any thought. You can't consistently lose your temper and insult them and expect them.to grow up healthy and whole. I'm not a perfect parent, and you won't be either. But we HAVE to think about what effect our actions has on them.”

“Parents don't really know how to help. Some aren't prepared for this new version of their high-achieving kid: doubting, sad, tired, confused- emotions they may have rarely dealt with in high school. And isn't college supposed to be even better than high school? When your child is more mature, self-sufficient, and otherwise flourishing just as she always has been, except now at an even higher level?”

“Have you thought about the Coming Out Thing? It gets complicated when you bring religion into the equation. Technically, Jews and Episcopalians are supposed to be gay-friendly, but it's hard to really know how that applies to your own parents. Like, you read about these gay kids with really churchy Catholic parents, and the parents end up doing PFLAG and Pride Parades and everything. And then you hear about parents who are totally fine with homosexuality, but can't handle it when their own kid comes out. You just never know.”