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Quote by Marcel Proust (Translator: C K Scott Moncrieff)

“Each of our friends has his defects so markedly that to continue to love him we are obliged to seek consolation for those defects -- in the thought of his talent, his goodness, his affection for ourself -- or rather to leave them out of account, and for that we need to display all our good will. Unfortunately our obliging obstinacy in refusing to see the defect in our friend is surpassed by the obstinacy with which he persists in that defect, from his own blindness to it or the blindness that he attributes to other people. For he does not notice it himself, or imagines that it is not noticed.”

Quote by Marcel Proust (Translator: C K Scott Moncrieff)

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Marcel Proust (Translator: C K Scott Moncrieff)

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“...few things can trigger us or make us go crazy like our intimate relationships can. Love is like a Roto-Rooter - it will push every button you own; it will bring up to the surface every unhealed wound and fissure that has lodged inside your body. Nothing stimulates hurt quite the way love does. As we shall see, we all marry our unfinished business.”

“Atunci când e mainstream să nu judeci, se susțin indirect patologii și abuzuri. O persoană matură și responsabilă care are discernământ poate alege să spună adevărul, să fie onestă în legătură cu problemele emoționale și intențiile sale. Aici este vorba de onoare și respect vizavi de tine și de cei din jur. Acest set de valori poate fi dobândit cultural, în familie, din educație. De fapt, aceasta este și cheia pentru atingerea intimității și a satisfacției sexuale. Manipularea și minciuna pentru obținerea sexului sunt bariera în atingerea intimității. Sigur ai acces la un corp, dar sexul practicat în minciună, te face practic un impostor la… pat.”

“Cred că se face confuzie între termenul experiență și traumă. Experiența te face un om mai bogat, trauma nu. O persoană, fie că e bărbat sau femeie, dacă nu are dorința firească și naturală de a explora, de a cunoaște, de a experimenta, e bolnavă. Dacă nu e bolnavă, mai rămâne posibilitatea că trăiește într-un mediu nepotrivit, iar expunerea la mediul nesănătos o poate afecta. Nu poți sa te închizi în casă, să te sigilezi de lume și să pretinzi că ești sănătos pentru a te feri de ce se întâmplă în afara casei.”

“We all want our partners to reach in and heal the young wounded parts of us with their love. And they always, to some degree, fail us. Because they are human and therefore imperfect. Because, on the day you most need them, they have a toothache and can't be bothered. Because in that perfect moment when you throb with desire, they ate and drank too much and just want to go to sleep. The tough news here is that the only person who can with absolute consistency be there for our inner children is us. And that's okay. That's enough. Once we learn how to do it.”

“So, here's the first tip for working on your partner's core negative image of you: the more you refute it, the more you'll reinforce it. But the more you admit to the kernel of truth within your partner's exaggeration, the greater the odds that the exaggeration will relax. Try it. Don't defend yourself - yield. Yielding can work as a core negative image buster.”

“Take a break, throw some water on your face, take cleansing breaths with long exhalations, go for a walk. But don't try to grapple with relational issues from your Adaptive Child. Get yourself reseated in your Wise Adult before attempting repair. Ask yourself which part of you is talking right now, and what that part's real agenda is. If your agenda in that moment is to be right, to gain control, to vent, retaliate, or withdraw - then stop, call a formal time-out if need be, and get yourself recentered. The only agenda that will work is the one about finding a solution. Only then will you have any luck using your newly cultivated sills.”