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Unns: The Captivation

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Sapan Saxena

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“Attentive readers may remember that I had started attending twelve-step meetings when Rayya was on cocaine and my world was falling down around my ears. You may also remember that I’d hated every minute of those meeting—although I did take some notes. You may not be surprised to learn, then, that I had stopped attending those meetings as soon as I could—which in my case meant: as soon as Rayya stopped using cocaine and started being nice to me again. Because all my problems were solved after that, right? I mean, why should I have to attend a recovery program designed to support people whose lives are affected by the addictions of others if my “other” wasn’t acting out in her addiction anymore? And why should I have to attend meetings for sex and love addiction when I was actually getting love again, from someone I was devoted to? Anyhow, I’m way smarter than most people, and I had quickly breezed through all the literature—so I figured that I basically understood all the principles of these programs and had learned all I needed to learn. Obviously. So I had walked out of the rooms of recovery in late October of 2017 like, Thanks for all the information, everyone—I’m all set now! Nice meeting you! I’ll take it from here! Except that I wasn’t all set, because I have never been “all set.”

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Book:All the Way to the River
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“El otoño. Nuestra barca en lo alto de las brumas inmóviles vira hacia el puerto de la miseria, la ciudad enorme de cielo manchado de fuego y lodo. ¡Ah! ¡los harapos podridos, el pan empapado en lluvia, la embriagues, los mil amores que me han crucificado! ¿No acabará nunca esta vampira, soberana de millones de almas y de cuerpos muertos y que serán juzgados! Vuelvo a verme, la piel devorada por el fango y la peste, lleno de gusanos los cabellos y las axilas y con gusanos aún mayores en el corazón, tendido entre desconocidos sin edad, sin sentimiento… Hubiera podido morir allí… ¡Horrible evocación! Execro la miseria.”

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Book:A Season in Hell
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