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Your Grief, Your Way: A Year of Practical Guidance and Comfort After Loss

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Shelby Forsythia

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“Do you believe that?” Melinda says, directing her wonderment at Irv. “That if someone commits suicide they go to hell?” “No.” “But many Christians do, right?” “There’s a debate, but it’s doctrine.” “But you don’t think so?” “No.” “Why not?” “For the same reason the Catholics believe in the Trinity, Melinda.” The appetizers arrive with a speed that Sigrid finds suspicious. “Which is . . . what?” “It’s how I understand Jesus’s words spoken from the cross,” says Irv, taking a calamari. “Jesus spoke seven times on the cross. In Matthew Twenty-Seven, verse forty-six and in Mark Fifteen verse thirty-four he says, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ This led to the Trinity,” Irv said, sucking cocktail sauce and grease from his thumb. “The thinking is, if Jesus was Lord, who was he speaking to? He was obviously speaking to someone or something other than himself, unless . . . ya know.” Irv makes a circular cuckoo motion by his head with a piece of squid. “So perhaps he was speaking to the Father, or to the Holy Spirit. In this act, he distinguishes himself from the eternal and embodies everything that is Man. The fear, the sadness, the tragedy. The longing. The recognition of betrayal. We see him, in that moment, only as the Son, and because of that, as ourselves. As I read it, Melinda, we are not invited in that moment to be cruel to him for his despair, or to mock him. Instead we are asked to feel his pain. When Jesus says, ‘It is finished’ I don’t read, ‘Mission accomplished.’ I see a person resigned. A person who has lost hope. A person who has taken a step away from this life. And our pity for him grows. And finally he says, ‘Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.’ Now, I’m not going to equate Jesus letting go with suicide, but any decent and forgiving Christian person would have to admit that we are looking at a person who cannot fight anymore. We are being taught to be understanding of that state of mind and sympathetic to the suffering that might lead a person to it. It does not follow to me that if someone succumbs to that grief we are to treat them with eternal contempt. I just don’t believe it.”

Compassion
Book:American by Day
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“There are times I wish anxiety served no good purpose. That it could be surgically removed and discarded like an infected gallbladder, one that has tormented a body with constant bouts of pain. The agony is similar—so strenuously endured. What scalpel exists to carve out anxiety from both heart and mind? What prescription can subdue the inflammation? Is there a cure? Or is it somehow essential? A vital part of life that if lacking would cause us to eventually wither away. I see strength gained from it, lessons learned from it, and compassion sprout in its soil. But is there no other way? There are times I wish anxiety served no good purpose.”

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Book:Being Bold: Quotes, Poetry, & Motivations for Every Day of the Year
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“Like courage, empathy and compassion are critical components of shame resilience. Practicing compassion allows us to hear shame. Empathy, the most powerful tool of compassion, is an emotional skill that allows us to respond to others in a meaningful, caring way. Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes - to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding.”

CompassionEmpathyShame
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“The fact that you have the intention to work for others is important. Act on your wholesome intentions and altruistic impulses. If you have the thought of benefiting society, that is significant. Nurture and treasure that thought, and act on it as best you can. Doing so will certainly change you, and that in itself can be the start of the change you want to see in your world. – 17th Karmapa”

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Book:The Heart Is Noble: Changing the World from the Inside Out
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