“Once Pastor Keith hit a crescendo, Sister Gertrude would rise and jump, scream, kick, dance, and pass the hell out. Obviously, she required physical restraints to minimize damage to other parishioners and a cleanup crew for the broken pews, discarded clothing,mangled jewelry, and loose items strewn about. Yes, it took an army of ushers to physically restrain her. She was twice as big as a man. No one smaller than Shaquille O’Neal could take her down. Well, I became her parasite and First Responder. Whenever I saw aglare in her eyes, twitch in her neck, or frown on her face, I knew to move into position. But for me, getting injured was a badge of honor. I just had to be a part of her fiascos. Yet, on one Easter Sunday, I got more than I bargained for. When our youth choir created a stir, Sister Gertrude went haywire. First, she reverse dunked her grandbaby into my breadbasket. Once again, she knew I would be there for the airborne toddler. Second, a whole orchard of mixed fruits flew over my head. Third, a scarf, blouse, wig, and shoe were diverted my way. Finally, a bevy of oversized Ushers and Deacons twisted, pulled, and sacrificed themselves before Sister Gertrude went lax. It was the most outrageous display Zion Gate Union had ever seen. Mind you, she was never a disappointment for a would-be reverend like me.”
Source: My Bully, My Aunt, & Her Final Gift
“Some guys assume that they made this one girl orgasm by doing this one thing and now they do it to every woman they get with. If it doesn’t work on you, then something about you must be broken.”
Source: Real Secrets of Sex: A Women's Guide on How to Be Good in Bed
“I'm like this yo-yo with a three-thousand-mile string." - Tai”
Source: Cher Negotiates New York
“I've heard of sweatin' to the oldies, but this was like drowning in the moldies." - Cher”
Source: Cher's Furiously Fit Workout
“I had a feeling she probably made friends with people pretty easily, and that could be a good thing for me too, since I'd always been a little on the reserved side. She probably had offended a lot of people too, but maybe they all just overlooked it, as i was finding it surprisingly easy to do. She seemed genuinely oblivious to the fact that anything she said could be potentially insulting, and for some reason that made it kind of forgivable.”
Source: Moonglass
“I mean, have you ever imagined
the ocean is alive, and needs to tell us something important, and the only way it can talk
is by making waves crash, and we just lounge there, drenched in cocoa butter, on towels
with crappy novels and volleyballs, sipping spritzers, as the ocean uses all its strength to repeat
the same warning over and over?”
“Mrs. P.? Oh no. She’s the help. Bosnian, you know. Or is it Serbian? An absolute treasure, anyway. As I always say to Bel, if there’s one good thing to come out of all this fuss in the Balkans, it’s the availability of quality staff . . .” The words died away on my lips: once again I found myself trailing off in the stare of those unblinking eyes. This fellow was like some kind of after-dinner black hole. My anxiety began to mount again.”
Source: An Evening of Long Goodbyes
“Nowadays some people have become
intimate with thoughts
but unfriendly with the heart
They have become a clueless eye
that does not see itself”
Source: Porridge Eaters and Gruel Drinkers: A Nepali Poetry Collection
“The best way to destroy your enemies is to make them adopt your worldview”
Source: The Great Pearl of Wisdom
“The real traitor is not the one who questions the state, but the one who kills for it, without questioning why.”
Source: The God Sonnets: Naskar Art of Theology