“Doing nothing about climate change is still a fairly common affliction, even in this day and age. What to do with those people, who are together threatening everybody's existence on this planet? Clearly we don't really think they should be blown up, that's just a joke for the mini-movie, but maybe a little amputating would be a good place to start?” PeopleThinkingShouldYearsLittlesStillsRealWould BeAgeTogetherDiesCommonExistenceFivePlanetsJokesPressureMereClimateClimate ChangeThis DayAfflictionThreateningDoing NothingGood PlaceNo Pressure Author:Franny Armstrong
“Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three jokes for stand-up. Later, I've finally allowed myself to relax quite a bit, to think I can do it because I've done it in the past. The pressure to come up with the material is the same but the anxiety about whether I can do it is gone.” ThinkingWritingI CanHardDonePastLife IsThreeBitsCan DoGoneFiveMaterialsAnxietyJokesPressureCome UpRelaxScreenplaysI Can Do ItParalyzed Author:Steve Martin
“When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it all in. I didn't know you were supposed to just stand up and tell jokes. Essentially, that's what my act became: those five elements - except I dropped the poetry.” KnowsFirstsFiveComedyMagicElementsJokesStuckTricksBanjosMagic TricksFive Elements Author:Steve Martin
“When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.” FactsShowsHappensFiveJokesChalkBad Experiences Author:Jeff Dunham
“All my cuts are always about three hours, at the start, mainly because any scene in the movie that's 90 seconds, I probably shot a five-minute version of. If you just extrapolate that through the whole movie, I have a very long version of every scene, usually because, if there's one funny joke, I'll shoot five because I don't know if the one I like is going to work. I'll get back-ups because my biggest fear is to be in previews, testing the movie, and a joke doesn't work, but I have no way to fix it because I have no other line.” IfsKnowsWayLongWholeThreeHoursLinesFiveCuttingMinutesSceneJokesShotsVersionsGet BackSecondsTestingGoing To WorkFive MinutesBiggest FearFunny JokesPreview Author:Judd Apatow
“I remember when I did 'Click' and I'd see Adam Sandler's fan base. He's the guy that people feel that he's their best friend, so he's walking down the street and people sort of high five him and want to tell him a joke or invite him to come home and have a sandwich with them.” PeopleWantFeelsHomeRememberGuyFiveFansStreetsWalkingJokesComing HomeInvitesAdamRemember WhenSandwichesClicks Author:Kate Beckinsale
“I must say, I am thrilled with my fan base. For some reason some of them are quite young, so they are quite frightened. I remember when I did 'Click' and I'd see Adam Sandler's fan base. He's the guy that people feel that he's their best friend, so he's walking down the street and people sort of high five him and want to tell him a joke or invite him to come home and have a sandwich with them. Mine are not like that. Mine tend to go: 'Argh,' and look horrified. They shake and take a picture from a really long way away. I do feel I've got quite good, respectful ones though.” PeopleWayWantFeelsLooksLongReasonHomeRememberYoungGuyFiveFansStreetsMinesWalkingJokesShakesComing HomeFrightenedInvitesAdamRemember WhenLong WaySandwichesRespectfulClicksReally Long Author:Colin Farrell
“I used to do this big rant at the end of some gigs with Ben Folds Five. The band broke into this big heavy metal thing and I started as a joke to scream in a heavy metal falsetto. I found myself saying things like: Feel my pain, I am white, feel my pain.” FeelsEndsBigsPainUsedFoundWhiteFiveBandJokesHeavyBrokeScreamMetalsFoldsGigsHeavy MetalRantFalsetto Author:Ben Folds
“People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas before you write a joke, you don't know if anybody is really touching on it or not, and you tell it onstage the next night. For joke writing it has changed things.” PeopleIfsKnowsWorldWritingHappensNightNextFiveMinutesEventsChangedMajorsJokesTouchingFive MinutesWorld Events Author:Nick Thune
“Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The Muppet Movie now, it is so current. It's like The Simpsons before The Simpsons. It's not as cynical as The Simpsons would be but it's self-aware and there are a billion jokes, it breaks the fourth wall every five minutes, it's astounding, it's awesome. It's very exciting to be a part of that.” SelfWould BeWatchesBreakFiveMinutesWallGrewGrew UpJokesExcitingCurrentsBillionsCynicalFourthFive MinutesMuppet Author:Nicholas Stoller
“I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.” IfsFeelsYearsWould BePoliticalNextStrongFiveMinutesJokesFive MinutesOutdatedPolitical Jokes Author:Gilbert Gottfried