“The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, 'If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.'” IfsWaySaidHeardOfficeCommunicatePostsStampsPost OfficeInexpensive Author:David Letterman
“There is much to be said for post-menopausal celibacy. Sex is rough on loners because you have to have somebody else around, but now I don't. No more diets to stay slim and desirable: I've had sex and I've had food, and I'd rather eat.” SaidSexPostsDietsRoughDesirableLonerSlimCelibacy Book:Lump It Or Leave It Source: Lump It Or Leave It
“Since the boss said I would play, I've been thinking I should kiss the penalty spot, the grass and the post. I think every Liverpool player should do that.” ThinkingShouldSaidPlayPlayerKissingSpotsPostsGrassBossPenaltiesLiverpool Author:Jerzy Dudek
“This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush's new book '41.' Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said 'You two are hilarious' by telegraph.” SaidTwoBookReadingWeekBillsClintonPostsInstagramMccainNew BooksTelegraph Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there's a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there's a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, 'Wait, that's today?'” SaidTodayWaitingChanceNew YorkRepublicanPercentElectionPostsSenateNew York TimesCnnPredictingMidtermsMidterm Elections Author:Jimmy Fallon
“According to the latest poll in the Washington Post, 63 percent of Americans said that so far they approve of President Bush. Not surprisingly, the other 37 percent are English teachers.” SaidPresidentTeacherPercentPostsPollsPresident BushEnglish Teacher Author:Conan O'Brien