“If you're Mejicana or Mejicano and don't know who Pedro Infante is, you should be tied to a hot stove with yucca rope and beaten with sharp dry corn husks as you stand in a vat of soggy fideos.” IfsKnowsShouldHotDryTiedBeatenRopeCornStovesVat Author:Denise Chavez
“... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.” IfsShouldTryingChildrenHas BeensEnoughStuffObjectsMonthsOughtHumorousOur ChildrenYour ChildrenTiesHolidayBagsShoppingTiedRopeSantaMallsAdvertisementsSanta ClausFrenzyShoppers Author:Dave Barry