“It was strange though, that after that whole build-up, after the last bastion of "mustn't get in his vehicles", of being warned, not just by myself but by longest friend from primary school, "that whatever you do, no matter what, friend, do not get in his vehicles", once I did step over that threshold, I would have imagined - two months earlier certainly I would have imagined - that doing so would have produced much more tumult and emotion than this. There was no tumult. No emotion. Here was this thing that happened for always I knew it was going to happen, for it had been telling me for ages that it was coming and that it was going to happen. And now it was beginning.” EmotionAnticipationThresholdTumult Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“Here were females who did love the sound of breaking glass.” WomenBreaking Glass Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“If you're a woman with a gun, and you're getting into a conversation with a man you're attracted to, for example, at a party, it's always best to say, should he look quizzically at your weapon, 'My father taught me. I'm a rather good shot.' What you don't say is, 'My mother taught me' or -- even worse -- 'My ma taught me and I'm an expert crack shot.” MenWomenGun Book:Little Constructions Source: Little Constructions
“It’s not about being happy,’ he said, which was, and still is, the saddest remark I’ve ever heard.” SadnessHappy Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“It was at my back, the silence, making shivers at my back, and I couldn't turn, though my mind began racing. Don't let it be Milkman. Oh please, don't let it be Milkman. Then I did turn and it wasn't Milkman. It was everybody else. Every single person was staring at me in the shop.” SilenceStaringPariah Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“It is incumbent upon us to list you your fears lest you forget them: that of being needy; of being clingy; of being odd; of being invisible; of being visible; of being shamed; of being shunned; of being deceived; of being bullied, of being abandoned; of being hit; of being talked about; of being pitied; of being mocked; of being thought both "child" and at the same time "old woman"; of anger; of others; of making mistakes; of knowing instinctively; of sadness; of loneliness; of failure; of loss; of love; of death. If not death, then of living - of the body, its needs, its bits, its daring bits, its unwanted bits. Then the shudders, the ripples, our legs turning to pulp because of those shudders and ripples. On a scale of one to ten, nine and nine-tenths of us believe in the loss of our power and in succumbing to weakness, also in the slyness of others. In instability too, we believe. Nine and nine-tenths of us think we are spied upon, that we replay old trauma, that we are tight and unhappy and numb in our facial expression. These are our fears, Dear Susannah Eleanor Lizabetta Effie. Note them please. Remember these points please. Susannah, oh our Susannah. We are afraid.” FearShameAgingPityInvisibilityVisibility Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“Again that long-ago phrase - a recklessness, an abandonment, a rejection of me by me - had returned to me. I was going to die anyway, wouldn't live long anyway, any day now I'd be dead, all the time, violently murdered - and that, I now understand, gave a certain edge. It offered a different perspective, a freeing-up of the fear option.” FearAbandonmentRecklessness Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“The truth was dawning on me of how terrifying it was not to be numb, but to be aware, to have facts, retain facts, be present, be adult.” Life PhilosophySelf Realization Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“For all your so-called knowledge of the world, how come you don't know that?" I didn't know what ma meant by my knowledge of the world. My knowledge of the world consisted of fucking hell, fucking hell, fucking hell, which didn't lend itself to detail, the detail really being those words themselves.” HellKnowledge Of The World Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“I sensed we were now in for another microscopically observed advanced discussion, this time on jealousy - a subject which not only I had never heard ma speak of, but which I myself didn't speak of, didn't want to admit to, mainly lest it bring on my own version of Yes-but and Terror Of Other People And Not Just On Difficult Days.” Jealousy Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“Brother-in-law was now seriously cross and I was touched by his crossness. Somebody McSomebody was wrong then. People in this place did give a fuck. But there was something else about brother-in-law, something linked to that strange, communally diagnosed mental aberration that he had around women. For all his idolatry, all his belief in the sanctity of femaleness, of women being the higher beings, the mystery of life and so on, he couldn't grasp any abuse towards them other than what he termed rape. Rape for brother-in-law wasn't categorised. It wasn't equivocations, rhetorical stunts, sly debater tricks or a quarter amount of something or a half amount of something or a three-quarter amount of something. It was not a presentation package. Rape was rape. It was also black eyes. It was guns in breasts. Hands, fists, weapons, feet, used by male people, deliberately or accidentally-on-purpose against female people. "NEVER LIFT A FINGER TO A WOMAN" - if ever it had existed - third brother-in-law's teeshirt, to everyone's embarrassment, would have said. According to his rulebook - mine too, at least before the predations upon me by the community and by Milkman - the physical-contact aspect could be the only aspect. That meant that what was not of that trespass, not that kind of physical - stalking without touch, tracking without touch, hemming-in, taking over, controlling a person with no flesh on flesh, no bone on bone ensuing - could not then be happening. So it came about that of everybody who had heard of the wooing of me by Milkman, third brother-in-law was the only one who, unquestioningly, hadn't considered it to have taken place. Not seeing mental wreckage then, seemed one of his downsides.” FeminismRapeKinds Of Violence Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“It seemed the whole district of them was out, playing, flouncing, and at first glance they appeared mainly to resemble chandeliers with added lusciousness such as golden brocade and embossed wallpaper. By the time I did go out, all the streets were overrun with them: beribboned, besilked, bevelveted, behighheeled, bescratchy-petticoated and in pairs or else alone but pretending to be in pairs, waltzing and periodically crashing over. Meanwhile, the little boys, oblivious of the little girls, temporarily too, suspending operations against that army from "over there" - owing, probably, to the current absence of that army from "over there" - were taking turns at being good guy in their new play of the latest martyr killed recently in the political problems: Renouncer Hero Milkman, shadowed, set upon, then gunned down in their usual cowardly fashion by that murder squad spawned by a terrorist state.” PlayChildhoodMartyrs Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“Here was my mother, one of the Top Five pious women of the district, coming out with the unbelievable "God's great and all but". This was scandalous, also exciting, even rather refreshing - that a person of the sanctities was showing herself to be not one hundred percent of the sanctities, or else there was nothing for it but that the sanctities would have to adjust in meaning to include the lower half of the body now as well.” GodRomanceSexPietySanctity Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“These women live the secure, safe bubble, the nine-to-five, decent bubble. But who wants sleepy bubbles when you can have the excitant of the power, the stimulus of control, even of the cruelty. All that gradual, cunning, imperceptible advancement. Don't you just love," they said, "the sudden erotic alarm?” PowerSecuritySafetyControlBubblesEroticAlarm Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“It broke the bounds of credibility, said the news, but lots of things in life break bounds of credibility. Breaking credibility, I was coming to understand, seemed to be what life was about.” LifeOutsidersCredibility Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“She admonished him, saying ‘I think I hate you,’ which meant she didn’t because ‘I think I hate you’ is the same as ‘probably I hate you’, which is the same as ‘I don’t know if I hate you’, which is the same as ‘I don’t hate you, oh my God, my love, I love you, still love you, always, always have I loved you and never have I stopped loving you’.” Love Hate Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“I'd rather you came out with your filthy, unfitting language for the rest of your life than for you to turn out one of them cowardly people who can't speak their minds but won't hold their peace and instead mumble behind hands and get their fights out in sneakery and in whispers.” GossipBad Mouth Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“This called for bare hands, stilettos, booted feet, flesh-on-flesh, bone-on-bone, hearing the cracks, causing the cracks, venting all that pent-up anger.” FightingStilettosBare HandsPent Up Anger Book:Milkman Source: Milkman
“Whatever he had been and whatever he'd been called, he was gone, so I did what usually I did around death which was to forget all about it. The whole shambles - as in the old meaning of shambles, as in slaughterhouse, blood-house, meat market, business-as-usual - once again took hold. Deciding to miss my French night class, I put on my make-up and got ready to go to the club. This was to the brightest, the busiest, the most popular of the eleven drinking-clubs existing in our small area and as for going: drinking clubs were the exact places you would go, exactly what you would do, when both hyper and deadened and in need of alcohol.” DeathAlcoholBusiness As Usual Book:Milkman Source: Milkman