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David J. Lieberman

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“Passivity manifests in complaining and blaming because these behaviors are both self-focused and correlate to feelings of helplessness. These people are likely to make frequent complaints with the accompanying message that no one will do anything about them and make demands to mobilize feelings of guilt and responsibility in those around them. Their pain is, they tell you, the result of someone or something else outside of themselves (e.g., “You make me sad”; “All this noise makes me feel anxious”). This is not to say that a correlation does not exist, but a complete lack of ownership over one’s emotional state points to a mood disorder because, quite logically, if how we feel is directly determined by an external cause, then we, too, would become anxious and ultimately depressed.”

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Book:Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
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“The typical characteristics of the egocentric mentality are arrogance and bravado, but even a submissive personality who is seemingly void of ego can also be self-centered and selfish. He is consumed by his own pain, filled with self-pity, and unable to feel anyone else’s pain while drowning in his own. Such a person experiences no real connection to anyone outside of himself, despite his seemingly noble nature. He will not—cannot—burden himself unless he receives a larger payout in the form of acceptance or approval. His taking is disguised as giving. His fear is dressed up as love. (He may also be motivated by the need to assuage feelings of guilt or inadequacy, yet still his aim is to reduce his own suffering, not someone else’s.)”

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Book:Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
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“If you give out of fear or guilt, your self-esteem is not enriched; indeed, it is only diminished. You aren’t really giving; the other person is taking. You are being taken advantage of, with your consent.”

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Book:Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
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“Self-esteem is keenly observed as a reflection of one’s relationships and manifests in three main domains: one’s history and patterns, interactions and exchanges, and borders and boundaries.”

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Book:Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
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“The ego corrupts our mindset in five ways: (a) It chooses what we focus on, (b) it makes what we see all about us, (c) it concludes that all negative experiences are due to a deficiency within ourselves, (d) it magnifies the relevance of our focus, and (e) it causes us to believe that we can think our way out of a situation that is beyond our control or understand something that is unknowable.”

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Book:Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
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“At the root of fear is low self-esteem. This explains why angry people have low self-esteem, are argumentative, stubborn, and quick to flare up yet slow to forgive. Those behaviors are defenses against the underlying fear.”

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Book:Find Out Who's Normal and Who's Not: The Proven System to Quickly Assess Anyone's Emotional Stability
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“The reason why we often get poor advice is that it's hard to find a person who always has our best interest at heart, isn't envious in any way, and at no level thinks he knows what's best for you.”

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Book:Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again--With Psychological Secrets to Control and Influence Every Situation
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“Never ask advice from someone who has something at stake or something to lose from your decision. The more objective the person is the greater value you should place on the input.”

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Book:Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again--With Psychological Secrets to Control and Influence Every Situation
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“Consider, for example, lust versus love. When we lust after someone or something, we think in terms of what they (or it) can do for us. When we love, however, our thoughts are immersed in what we can give to someone else. Giving makes us feel good, so we do it happily. But when we lust, we only want to take. When someone we love is in pain, we feel pain. When someone whom we lust is in pain, we only think in terms of what that loss or inconvenience means to us.”

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Author:David J. Lieberman
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“Suicide is the dumbest possible way of getting revenge. Why is that? Because the people you want to strike back at are the very same folks who won't even remember you a week after you're gone, while the people you want to spare most -- the people who love you -- are the ones who will have to live with the pain of your suicide for the rest of their lives.”

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Author:David J. Lieberman
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“When someone refuses to listen to you or others, there is one source or entity that he will listen to: Call it God, the universe, a higher power, karmic law, whatever. At any rate, if he feels that the universe is trying to tell him something, then he may listen. He won't listen to you or anyone else, but the universe, that's a different story.”

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Book:Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement
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“The fields of clinical psychology and psychiatry exist specifically to help the emotionally unstable become more stable and lead happier, healthier lives. Unlike in the eras of Vincent Van Gogh and Abraham Lincoln, there is now professional help available for those who suffer from emotional illness. Treatment may require therapy or even medication, but hope is now available every single day in practically every city in the civilized world.”

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Book:Find Out Who's Normal and Who's Not: The Proven System to Quickly Assess Anyone's Emotional Stability
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