Quotessence
Home / Authors / David Sedaris
David Sedaris

David Sedaris Quotes

Humorist

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleIfsWritingThinkingWantBookLooksKnowsWayFirstsHumorWellsSaidSometimesYearsFeelsStoriesPersonsKindMade

Famous David Sedaris Quotes

“It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me, because I realize that I was fooled into thinking I'd written the story. I hadn't-I had just typed for a long time. So then I have to carve out a story from the 25 or so pages. It's in there somewhere-but I have to find it. I'll then write a third, fourth, and fifth draft, and so on.”

ThinkingWritingYearsFirstsLongStoriesRealizingWrittenPagesLong TimeThirdsFourthDepressingFifthFooled
Author:David Sedaris
Create image

“Writing helped to have jobs that involved running around, pushing things like dish carts and wheelbarrows. It would be hard to sit at a desk all day, and then come to sit at another desk. Also, it helps to abandon hope. If I sit at my computer, determined to write a New Yorker story I won't get beyond the first sentence. It's better to put no pressure on it. What would happen if I followed the previous sentence with this one, I'll think. If the eighth draft is torture, the first should be fun. At least if you're writing humor.”

IfsThinkingShouldWritingFirstsHardHelpingStoriesHappensWould BeRunningJobsFunInvolvedComputerPressureDeterminedSentencesTorturePushingAbandonDishesDesksNew YorkersCartsNo PressureWheelbarrowsWriting Humor
Author:David Sedaris
Create image

“I was first published in the newspaper put out by School of The Art Institute of Chicago, where I was a student. I wince to read that story nowadays, but I published it with an odd photo I'd found in a junk shop, and at least I still like the picture. I had a few things in the school paper, and then I got published in a small literary magazine. I hoped I would one day get published in The New Yorker, but I never allowed myself to actually believe it. Getting published is one of those things that feels just as good as you'd hoped it would.”

FeelsFirstsBelieveArtStillsStoriesSchoolFoundStudentsOne DayPaperNewspapersMagazinesOddShopsChicagoJunkNew YorkersInstituteFeels JustWince
Author:David Sedaris
Create image

“There are a lot of college writing textbooks that will include essays and short stories, and after reading the story or essay, there will be questions such as "Have YOU Had any experience with a pedophile in YOUR family?" or "When was the last time you saw YOUR mother drunk?" and they're just really good at prompting stories. You answer the question, and sometimes that can spring into a story.”

WritingSometimesStoriesLastsMotherReadingAnswersSawsCollegeSpringDrunkOur FamilyShort StoryLast TimeEssaysTextbooks
Author:David Sedaris
Create image

“She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a friendly junkman, building things from the little pieces of scrap I find here and there, but my family's started to see things differently. Their personal lives are the so-called pieces of scrap I so casually pick up, and they're sick of it. More and more often their stories begin with the line "You have to swear you'll never repeat this." I always promise, but it's generally understood that my word means nothing.”

WritingMindMeanLittlesImportantStoriesTurnsLinesKnowingPiecesBuildingPromisePicksUnderstoodMy FamilySickRepeatsFriendlySwearPersonal LifeHere And ThereScrapBuilding ThingsWords Mean Nothing
Author:David Sedaris
Create image

“Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared." This was the reward for living in the Netherlands. As a child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat it.”

KnowsMenWantChildrenStoriesMightTogetherTurnsStuffBlackBedSixAdultsPreparedRewardsShoesEightFormerKicksRepeatsTonightPacksBe PreparedCandySpainTurkeysBishopsNetherlands
Author:David Sedaris
Create image